


Sin Kid Showdown

by CaptainDodge



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: Blood, Family Drama, Fist Fights, Gen, Incest, Parent/Child Incest, Sibling Incest, Stabbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-07-21 01:51:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16150037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDodge/pseuds/CaptainDodge
Summary: When Lacy's crush ends up breaking her heart, it's up to Lemy to show him that Louds stick up for each other - no matter the cost! Rated "M" for brief sexual themes, violence, and strong language.





	1. Chapter 1

The mighty _Stegosaurus_ looked over the grasslands, and saw that it was good. “Yes…” he said, “…yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We shall rule over all this land, and we shall call it… _‘This Land’.”_

The sneaky _Allosaurus_ snuck up beside him. “I think we should call it _‘Your Grave’!”_

The _Stegosaurus_ turned to face the _Allosaurus_. _“Aaaah!”_ the _Stegosaurus_ cried. “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”

_“Ha, ha, ha!”_ the _Allosaurus_ laughed. “Mine is an evil laugh! Now _die!”_

The _Allosaurus_ pounced on the _Stegosaurus_ and began mauling him, and the _Stegosaurus_ screamed at the humanity of it all. _“AAAAAHHHHH! OH, GOD! OH, DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!”_

“…Lizy?”

Lizy Loud looked up from her toy dinosaurs to see her big sister Leia standing over her. “Huh?”

“Sorry to interrupt… whatever _that_ was, but have you seen Lemy?”

“Oh!” Lizy pointed at the garage. “He’s in the garage, practicing his drumming!”

Leia looked over at the garage. “Oh, is _that_ what that is? I’m sorry, I thought it was a whale having a heart attack.”

Lizy shook her head. “No, silly! Whales live in the _ocean!”_

Leia smiled, patting Lizy’s head. “They sure do, Little Liz! Good for you!” She held out her hand. “Now, come on – let’s go get our big brother!”

Lizy took Leia’s hand and stood up, walking with her from the backyard over to the garage, where Lemy Loud was pounding away at the drumset, banging his head enthusiastically. No beat or rhythm could be discerned.

Leia winced, covering her ears. “Lemy.”

Lemy kept playing.

“Lemy!”

Lemy kept playing.

_“Lemy!”_

Lemy kept playing.

_“LEMY!”_

Lemy _still_ kept playing.

Growling frustratedly, Leia picked up a paintbrush from the nearby table and threw it at Lemy’s head. It bounced off his skull, and Lemy dropped his drumsticks and held his head, grimacing.

_“Ow!_ What the –?” He looked up. “Oh, hey, guys! Sorry, didn’t see you there – was too busy laying down some sick beats. What did you think?”

“I like the sounds the drums make!” Lizy said.

“Yeah, pretty cool, huh?”

Leia pursed her lips. “Mmm, _no,_ Lemy. Not cool, really. The opposite of that, in fact. What’s the word…?” She tapped her chin, then pointed at him. _“Un_ cool, that’s it! _Very_ uncool.”

Lemy sighed. Leia really never held back, even with him. “Well… what do you want, huh? I’m still practicing. ‘Practice makes perfect’, as they say…”

“Yeah, but _‘they’_ never said how _long_ it would take…”

Lemy folded his arms. “Was there something you came here for, or did you just come to mock me?” He thought about it, then added, _“…Again?”_

“What…? Oh, _right!_ Right, right, right… Uh, Liena said dinner’s just about ready!”

Lemy hopped out of his seat. _“Oh, boy!_ Why didn’t you just say so? I’m _starved…”_

“Of _food_ too, or just _talent?”_

Lemy rolled his eyes. _“Ha, ha, ha._ Laugh it up, princess – I’m still more talented than _you.”_

Leia snorted. “I doubt that…”

Lemy disregarded her – she was probably just jealous. “Well, anyways, come on, Liz! Aren’t you hungry, too?”

Lizy bounced excitedly. “Yeah! Yeah! And Liena made dino-shaped chicken nuggies – my favorite!”

“Boy, sounds delicious! Let’s go!”

Lemy took Lizy’s hand, Lizy took Leia’s hand, and together the three sibling-cousins headed across the yard and into the kitchen, where Liena was putting the finishing touches on this evening’s dinner.

“Hey, Liena,” Lemy said, “what’s cooking?”

Liena turned to face him with a smile on her face. “It’s _who’s_ cooking, Lemy. And the answer is: _me!_ I made Dino Dee-Lite chicken nuggets for the appetizer, and Casa Loud Casserole for the entry!”

_“Entrée,”_ Lemy corrected.

“That’s what I said – _entry!”_

Lemy shook his head – it was an inconsequential mistake, and just Liena being Liena besides. “Well, smells good! When are we eating?”

“Soon! Just gotta get everything ready. Could you help me set the table, Lemy? And Leia, be a dear and fetch everyone, would you?”

Leia groaned. “Aww, how come _I_ get the hard job?”

Liena looked confused. “Doesn’t sound that difficult to me…”

“Oh, Liena…” Lemy said. “Sweet, innocent Liena…”

Leia turned to Lemy with an air of blatantly affected sweetness around her. “Big bwother,” she said, “will you twade jobs with me? _Pwease?”_

Normally, that would have been enough to convince Lemy, but not this time. “Hmm… You know, after what you said about my drumming, I’m not so sure…”

She broke out the doe eyes. _“Pwetty_ pwease…?”

Lemy’s lip quivered. She knew he couldn’t resist the doe eyes. _“Argh…!_ You little cheater… Ugh, _fine!”_

Leia hugged him. “Thanks, big bwother!”

Lemy gave her a one-armed hug in return. _“Hrm,_ yeah, sure…”

Lizy raised her hand. _“Ooh! Ooh!_ Can I help? Can I? Can I?”

Liena chuckled. “Why, _sure_ you can, Lizy! You can help Leia with the plates!”

As Lizy cheered, and Leia began grabbing the plates, Lemy headed out through the dining room into the living room. He sighed, unable to believe that he had been played for a sucker by Leia again – especially after what she said to him earlier. The task ahead of him wasn’t necessarily a _difficult_ one, but it certainly wasn’t going to be a _pleasant_ one.

Since he was already downstairs, he figured he should get Dad and Aunt Leni first. The Louds had a system where the kids would alternately stay with their father at 1216 Franklin Avenue, Royal Woods, and with their mothers in the surrounding area. The Loud house, as it was called, was disturbingly quiet and empty some weeks and packed so full it was bursting at the seams in others. In turn, the kids’ mothers would rotate between staying at home and staying at Dad’s house. It was Aunt Lori’s turn last week, so Loan came with her – Loan _never_ got to stay at the house without her mother there with her. This week, it was Aunt Leni’s turn, and along with Liena, there was Liby, Lacy, Lupa, and Leia. Lemy wished his mother could stay at the house, but she was on tour, and he knew how much her music meant to her. On the plus side, that meant he and Lyra could stay at the house 24/7. Lizy, too – Aunt Lana was off researching chimpanzees in Africa. That was nice, too – out of all Lemy’s sisters, Lizy was one of his favorites.

Lemy came up to the master bedroom door. Inside, he could hear the bed creaking, and moans of _“Ah!”_ and _“Ooh!”_ and _“Ahhn!”_ and _“Linky!”_ Lemy shook his head. He didn’t know how his dad kept it up. He knocked on the door.

_“Dad?”_ he called.

_“Come in!”_ came his father’s voice from the other side.

Lemy sighed again, bracing himself for the sight he was about to see.

He flung the door open to find his father, Aunt Leni, and Lupa all naked. Dad, who was also Uncle Dad, was standing and plowing Aunt Leni, while simultaneously fingering Lupa. Both aunt and niece cried and writhed with pleasure.

Dad kept shaking his hips and thrusting his hand, disregarding modesty as usual. _“Hey, son!”_ he said. _“How’s it going?”_

Lemy wrinkled his nose. “Dinner’s ready, Dad!” he said.

Dad looked up. _“What?”_ he yelled.

“I said, _dinner’s ready!”_

Dad held up the “O.K.” gesture with his free hand. _“Okay, son! Just give us a few more minutes, we’re almost there!”_

Lemy returned the gesture, then backed out of the room, pulling the door shut. He pressed his back against the door, letting himself slide down a little. He just didn’t get it. None of his aunts or sisters wanted to do _that_ with _him._ (Well, Loan did, but she kinda creeped Lemy out. When it came to Loan, beggars _could_ be choosers.) What was different? He and his father both had good looks, great personalities, abnormally large penises – what did _he_ have that Lemy _didn’t?_

Lemy shook his head, putting aside such questions for after dinner. He started climbing the stairs, wondering who to talk to next. Arbitrarily, he chose Lyra, his full-blooded sister… who was also his cousin. Boy, did Lemy have a strange family.

The door to Liena and Lyra’s shared room was open. Lemy brazenly barged in… then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Lyra kneeling beside her bed, praying. Lyra was a pious Catholic – the only one in her family. She had been introduced to the faith by a pen pal, and she embraced it wholeheartedly, claiming that her family needed spiritual fulfillment, even if they didn’t want it. That said, Lyra was not a _devout_ Catholic – she abetted the rampant incest in her family, even indulging in it from time to time with her father. According to her, without incest, she and all the others would not exist – so perhaps the strange love her father showed to his sisters and daughters was another manifestation of the love of God. All in all, Lyra’s strain of Catholicism was a very unorthodox denomination indeed – but then, the same could be said for American Catholicism in general.

Lemy hesitated. He knew he had more leeway than their other siblings, but he also knew that Lyra still hated being interrupted while she was praying. After some thought, he decided to let her finish, and so stood there awkwardly.

After a few minutes, Lyra sighed, her head still bowed and her eyes still closed. “…If you’ve got something to say, Lemy, then _say it.”_

Lemy rocked on his heels. “Um… dinner’s ready.”

Lyra smiled. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Okay.”

Not wanting to push his luck any further, Lemy retreated, leaving Lyra alone to finish her prayers.

He decided on Liby next. Marching up to the door to her room, he flung it open.

“Hey, Lib –”

He was interrupted by a spring-loaded pie flinger flinging a pie at him, whereupon it splattered all over his face and dripped down his shirt. As the pie tin fell to the floor, Lemy slowly opened his eyes, a mildly annoyed look on his face.

“…Okay…” he said after a while, “…wasn’t expecting _that.”_

“Perhaps _that_ will teach you to knock next time,” Liby said, sitting up on her bed, a joke book in her hand. “How do you like my latest security system?”

Lemy licked some of the pie off his lips. Boysenberry. “It’s… very tasty, I’ll give you that…”

Liby nodded at him. “Ah-thank you.”

Lemy wiped some pie out of his eye. “I shouldn’t eat too much of your security system, though, or I’ll ruin my appetite for dinner… which, by the way, is ready.”

Liby stood up, clasping her hands together. “Ah, wonderful. I’m simply _famished.”_ She walked up next to Lemy. “Lemy, dear, be a lamb and tell Lacy that dinner is ready as well, would you?”

Lemy nodded. “Sure, Liby – as soon as I clean up first.”

Liby walked out her room and down the stairs, and Lemy headed straight for the bathroom, washing the pie filling and crust out of his hair and off his face and taking a wet rag to his shirt. He did what he could, but the stain remained.

_I hope this comes out in the wash,_ he thought, sighing.

Last but certainly not least, there was Lacy. Lemy came up to the door to the bedroom she shared with Lupa, but stopped as he grabbed the doorknob, remembering what had just happened. This time, he decided to knock.

Lemy lightly rapped the door three times. “Lacy, dinner’s ready!” he called out.

There was no answer.

Lemy blinked. “Lacy?”

Still no answer.

Lemy started to worry. He tried the doorknob, disregarding the potential danger, but the door was locked. He knocked again. “Lacy, are you in there?”

_“…Go away,”_ came the answer from inside the room.

Lemy could tell right away from the tone of her voice that the normally sporty, peppy girl was hurting. “Lacy, what’s the matter?” he asked.

_“I said GO AWAY!”_ Lacy shouted.

Lemy was about to try again, but he thought about it, and he decided that he didn’t want to press the issue. Slumping his shoulders, he turned away and reluctantly let her be. Maybe one of the others would be able to get through to her…?

As Lemy descended the stairs, his heart sank along with him. Like his dad always told him, being the only boy in a large family wasn’t easy – and at times like these, it really showed. Sure, his dad was probably talking about satisfying your sisters’ sexual appetites, but it could also apply to understanding your sisters and the problems they had.

He wished he wasn’t so useless. He just wished he could _help._

Lemy arrived at the dining room, where nearly everyone else was seated at the table. He took his seat at the near end of the table, with Liby on his left and an empty chair on his right, and waited for the ones he knew were coming.

Dad and Aunt Leni arrived first, practically glowing. “What a delicious looking dinner,” Dad said, rubbing his hands together. “Liena, you are an _angel.”_ He kissed Liena’s head.

“Thanks, Daddy!” Liena said, giggling.

Dad and Aunt Leni sat at the far end of the table, while Lupa took the empty seat next to Lemy. “…Well, Lyra?” Aunt Leni said after a while. “Aren’t you going to say grace?”

“I _would,_ Aunt Leni, but not everyone is here yet,” Lyra replied.

Everyone looked at Lemy, as it was his responsibility to fetch everyone for dinner. Lemy rubbed the back of his head. “Uh, well, uh, I _tried_ to get Lacy, but she told me to go away. Don’t know what’s gotten into her.”

“Me either,” Lupa said, lighting a cigarette. “She’s been in a funk ever since we got home from school today.”

“First of all,” Dad said, “Lupa, no smoking at the dinner table. Second of all, Leni, why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Aunt Leni looked embarrassed. “Um, well, see, I-I just thought, like… Lacy… didn’t have much to talk about today, that’s all…”

Dad sighed, preparing to stand up. “I’ll go have a talk with her…”

But Liby stood up first. “No, Dad, _I’ll_ go. She’ll be more open with me.” She looked at Lupa. “You too, Lupa.”

Lupa sighed. “And I _just_ put out my cigarette…” she growled.

Lemy prepared to stand up. “I’ll go, too –”

Liby shook her head. “No, Lemy. You’ll just be a third wheel.” She beckoned to Lupa. “Come on, Lupa.”

Liby exited the dining room and headed up the stairs toward Lacy and Lupa’s room, with Lupa trudging behind. Everyone watched them go.

“…So, if they don’t come down, can we have seconds?” Leia asked.

Dinner eventually proceeded without Liby, Lacy, and Lupa. No-one got seconds. Dad and Aunt Leni asked everyone about their day at school, and from there, the conversation proceeded to what the kids had been up to since. Lemy talked about his drumming practice, boasting that he would soon be the next Dave Growl or Ringo Scarr. Leia encouraged her dreams in front of their father… and then Lizy blurted out what Leia _really_ thought of Lemy’s music. This led to Leia giving Lizy an important piece of life advice: _“If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”_ Lemy then pointed out that Leia would do well to adhere to that lesson herself. This led to Leia giving Lizy another important piece of life advice: _“Do as I say, not as I do.”_

As the sun began to dip down into the sky, dinner came to a close. Everyone took their dirty dishes to the sink, while Aunt Leni set aside three servings of Casa Loud Casserole for Liby, Lacy, and Lupa. After that, everyone went their own way. Lemy, satisfied with his meal, felt like having a good smoke to top it off, and headed outside. But when he reached into his pockets, he found his lighter… but not his cigarettes.

_“Hm…?”_ Lemy patted himself down. “Where are my smokes…?”

Perhaps he had dropped them during dinner? Turning around and heading back inside, Lemy searched above and below the dinner table.

Lyra caught him looking around on his hands and knees. “Looking for something, Lemy?” she said.

Lemy looked up at her. “Ly, have you seen my smokes?” he asked.

Lyra frowned. “No, and even if I had, I wouldn’t tell you. Those things are bad for you, and you know it.”

Lemy stared at his full sister dryly. “Lyra, you sleep with our _dad…_ who is also our _uncle._ Don’t act all ‘holier-than-thou’ with _me.”_

Lyra laughed at that. “But I _am_ ‘holier-than-thou’, Lemy. I pray to God and read the Bible every day.”

“Then you should know this little passage – _judge not, lest ye be judged.”_

Lyra glared at her little brother, then stormed off, leaving him alone.

With that, Lemy resumed searching. Not finding his cigarettes in the dining room, he thought about it, and decided to retrace his steps. He searched the master bedroom, Liena and Lyra’s room, Liby’s room, the bathroom, and finally his own room for good measure, but the cigarettes never turned up.

Lemy growled frustratedly. He was starting to become _really_ anxious for some nicotine, and he _really_ didn’t want to borrow from Lupa – she would ask for favors in return, and they were never pleasant for him to do.

“Damn it, _where are my smokes?!”_ he said, thinking about where else they could possibly be… and then it happened upon him. _“Oh!_ Maybe they’re in the garage!”

Lemy headed back outside and to the garage, and quickly found his cigarettes laying on the floor, behind the drumset. They had fallen out of his pocket while he was jamming.

Lemy smiled, relieved. “There you are…” he said, picking up the pack and grabbing a cigarette. Disregarding hygiene, he put it in his mouth, fished out his lighter, sat down on the stool, and lit it up. He took a long draw, then slowly exhaled a long puff of smoke.

_“Ah…_ that’s the stuff…”

He sat quietly there for several minutes, savoring the cigarette. He wished he had something to listen to, to complete his sedate state.

In an unexpected way, his wish was granted.

Lemy was snapped back to alertness by the sound of the back door opening and shutting, and several people descending the steps. He got up and crept up to the side door, looking out. It was Liby, Lacy, and Lupa. Lacy looked just as depressed as she sounded earlier.

“Okay, Lace,” Lupa said, “you’ve had your shoulder to cry on, and now we’re somewhere _really_ private. Now will you _please_ tell us what’s going on?”

Lacy hesitated, then sighed. “…Look, guys, you’re the only ones I can trust with this. Do you _promise_ not to tell anyone?”

Liby put her hands on Lacy’s shoulders. “Of _course,_ Lacy. Don’t worry – there’s no-one else here but us. Just go ahead.”

Lemy felt like coming out and revealing himself, but that would only get him yelled at as an eavesdropper… which, admittedly, he was. Since he _really_ wanted to know what was up with Lacy, he decided to stay quiet and out of sight, putting out his cigarette and listening in.

Lacy sighed again. “Well… okay. So, you know that guy I’ve been talking to you about?”

“Joey Damone?” Liby said.

“Middle school all-star, Joey Damone?” Lupa added. “How could we forget? You gush about him _all the time.”_

Lacy cast her eyes downwards. “I… I _did…”_

“…What happened, Lacy?” Liby asked.

Lacy sniffled. “I… I-I finally got up the courage to ask him out on a date today… All-All I said was, _‘maybe we could hang out sometime, see a movie or something?’_ And… and he said…” She whimpered – it sounded like she was about to cry again. “And, and in front of everyone, he said…” She took a halting breath, and said:

_“‘Sorry, but I don’t date inbreds.’”_

Recalling the heartbreaking, humiliating memory caused Lacy to break down, falling to her knees and crying. Liby knelt alongside her and held her head to her chest. _“Shh…_ There, there, Lacy, there, there. Let it all out, it’s all right.”

Lupa remained standing. _“Pssh…_ That’s _it?”_ she said.

Liby’s head shot up. _“Lupa!_ How can you be so insensitive?!”

Lupa shrugged, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. “Different day, same shit…”

Lacy choked back a sob. “I know… I know. But… I really liked him… I thought he was _different…”_

Liby stroked Lacy’s hair. _“See,_ Lupa? It stings harder if you’re called that by someone you _like._ What if _Dad_ called _you_ an inbred?”

Lupa snorted. “Well, I’d tell him that _he’s_ the one responsible for that, so _he_ should take some fucking responsibility…”

Liby sighed, shaking her head. “Ignore her, Lacy. We understand how you feel. And I’m sure Dad and Aunt Leni would, too. Why didn’t you want to tell _them_ about this?”

Lacy hesitated. “Be… Because…”

Liby hugged Lacy. “Go on, it’s okay. We won’t tell anyone else…”

Lacy fell silent for a while. Then, finally, she relented. “Okay…” She took a deep breath, then admitted, “…I wanted Joey Damone to be my first.”

Lupa jolted. _“Whoa…”_

Liby was similarly surprised. “Wha – _really?”_

Lacy nodded, embarrassed. “Yeah… Y-You see, Dad was twelve when he lost his virginity, right? And-And I’m twelve now, so…” She hung her head, sighing. “…I wanted my first time to be with someone who cared about me – who loved me for who I am. I thought Joey Damone did. He seemed so nice… but… _but…”_

Lacy buried her face in Liby’s chest, sobbing quietly. Liby consoled her as best she could, and Lupa finally knelt beside her. “Hey… it’s okay, Lace,” she said. “Fuck that douche. He doesn’t know us – he doesn’t know _you._ And hey, if that’s your criteria for your first man – there’s always _Daddy!”_

“O-Or _Lemy!”_ Liby added hesitantly.

Lupa laughed at that. _“Pfft,_ Lemy…” She drew on her cigarette. _“Please._ Lacy, listen to me: you can do a lot better than _Lemy_ for your first time. Pencil dick bitch…”

“Oh, how would _you_ know if he has a pencil dick or not?” Liby retorted. “You ever fucked him?”

“No, and I don’t intend to – _ever._ Daddy’s the only one who’s man enough for me…”

Lupa laughed again, and Liby and even Lacy chuckled a little. It didn’t really matter who it was – putting someone down was always a tried and true (if unhealthy) way to prop oneself up.

Lemy, meanwhile, burned with rage – but not from Lupa’s insults.

…Okay, not _just_ from Lupa’s insults. As he listened to Lacy’s story, he felt the anger rise in him until he could barely contain himself. Lacy – sweet, earnest Lacy – had bared her soul to this… “Joey Damone”; she had trusted him to be as nice and civil as he appeared. And he repaid her with unwarranted cruelty, belittling her in front of their peers for circumstances that hardly defined who she was as an individual, and which she had no control over besides.

Lemy clenched his hands into fists. No-one talked to Lacy that way.

_No-one._

Lemy waited until the girls went back inside (as Liby decided that some food in Lacy’s belly might lift her spirits), then waited half an hour longer before going around the house and coming in through the front door.

Liby, Lacy, Lupa, and Leia were sitting on the couch, watching TV. “Where have you been?” Liby asked.

“I lost my smokes, so I went out and bought a new pack,” Lemy said.

“What kind of store sells cigarettes to an 11-year-old?” Leia asked.

Thinking fast, Lemy smiled slyly at Leia. “Ooh, does the princess want to pick up her big brother’s smoking habits? _Hmm?”_

Leia started, taken aback. _“Wha –?!_ No, I –!”

“Now, Leia, listen to your big brother: smoking is bad. Don’t smoke.”

Leia scoffed. “Well, _look who’s talking!”_

Lemy tapped his chin. “Hmm… what was it you said at dinner, Leia?” Lemy said. _“‘Do as I say, not as I do’?_ You’d do well to follow that rule yourself…”

As Liby, Lacy, and Lupa laughed, and Leia sputtered, Lemy headed upstairs to his room, where he opened up his laptop and looked up Joey Damone on Placebook. He scrolled through his posts, hoping to find something that might tell him where he could find him. Between all the boasts of athletic prowess, the pictures that proved them, and the dank memes, he found something. There were a recurring number of posts centering around Gus’ Games and Grub, mostly concerning Joey boasting about beating his friends at one arcade game or getting the high score on another. And every one of them was posted on a Friday.

Today was Friday – Lemy thought, if today was Friday, then maybe Joey Damone was at Gus’ Games and Grub. It was getting late, though – if he wanted to catch him there, then he had to hurry.

Lemy hurried out into the hallway and down the stairs – and as he opened the door, Leia spotted him again.

“Going out _again?”_ she said. “What, did you lose the pack you just bought?”

Lemy gave a devil-may-care grin. “Nope – I’m off to defend a fair maiden’s honor!”

Leia and the others stared at him blankly. Then, Leia rolled her eyes. “Whatever, weirdo…”

With that, the girls returned to their scheduled programming, and Lemy marched out of the house to the garage, grabbing his bike and pedaling towards downtown, fiery determination in his eyes.

_Joey Damone,_ he thought, _I’m coming for you…_

(…)

As the sun began to set on Royal Woods, Lemy arrived at Gus’ Games and Grub. As he pulled into the lot, he smiled, admiring the location. If anything, Joey Damone sure knew how to pick a good hangout – Gus’ Games and Grub had had great pizza, great games, and a great atmosphere as far back as when Lemy’s dad was his age. (The Pizza Dungeon had better pizza, but, well… it was _The Pizza Dungeon.)_

Lemy parked and chained his bike, and peered in through the window, looking for Joey Damone. He found him sitting at a booth with three of his friends. Lemy sized up his enemy. It certainly showed that Joey Damone played sports – he didn’t yet have the broad shoulders to support a thick musculature, but what muscles Lemy could see were toned, compact. The more Lemy looked at Joey, the more he realized what he had suspected from the beginning: that he had absolutely no chance of beating him in a straight-up fight.

But he didn’t care.

He made Lacy cry. And Lemy could _not_ let that slide.

Lemy, having never had any reservations about doing this, entered the establishment, overhearing the closing statement of an argument between Joey and one of his friends.

“…man, we agreed on this. _I_ beat you at _Warfrogs,_ so _I_ get the last slice of pizza!” Joey said. He claimed his prize as Lemy sauntered up to him. He eyed Joey and his three cohorts with his hands behind his back and a neutral expression on his face as Joey sprinkled parmesan cheese on his pizza slice. A white boy, an Asian boy, a black boy, and a Latino boy. Another good thing about Joey – at least he wasn’t a racist.

“…Can we help you?” one of Joey’s friends said.

Lemy looked at Joey. “Pardon me,” he said, “but are you Joey Damone?”

Joey put the parmesan back in its place on the table. “Who’s asking?”

Lemy took a deep breath. He decided that he should at least _try_ to be civil – there was no need to resort to violence just yet. “Please excuse me, I haven’t introduced myself yet. My name is Lemy Loud. I believe you know my sister, Lacy?”

_“Ohhh…”_ went Joey’s friends. They had seen what had happened with Lacy earlier that day, and now they knew that ish was about to go down. Realizing what this was about, Joey chuckled, turning in his seat to face Lemy.

“Yeah, I know her. What of it?”

Lemy cleared his throat. “Well, it has recently come to my knowledge that she asked you out on a date today.”

Joey sneered. _“Heh._ Yeah, that’s right. And I bet you’re here because of what I said, aren’t you?”

“Indeed I am. By all accounts, Joey, you should have been flattered by her proposal. Any normal, sane boy would have accepted. But I have to know…” Lemy shook his head. “Just… _why_ would you turn down a girl like Lacy? She’s quite easy on the eyes, both in terms of facial complexion and physique; she shares your interest in sports, and excels at them; not to mention that underneath that tough, energetic exterior is a kind, loving heart…” He smiled. “She’s _quite_ a catch, if I do say so myself.”

Joey shared a chuckle with his friends, glancing at them. “Yeah, she is…” He looked Lemy straight in the eyes.

“…Too bad she’s a fucking _inbred.”_

Joey’s friends howled with laughter, one of them slapping the table. Joey grinned, basking in the adulation. Though Lemy was tempted to punch him in his smug face right then and there, he restrained himself.

“…I don’t see what _that_ has to do with anything,” he said.

Joey snorted contemptuously. “Yeah, you _wouldn’t._ You Louds are all degenerate perverts – just like your _whore moms,_ and your _scumbag dad.”_

Lemy’s lips thinned amidst another wave of laughter. “…That wasn’t very nice, Joey.”

This time, Joey laughed alongside his friends. _“Heh, heh, heh…_ Yeah?” He leaned in. _“…What are you going to do about it?”_

With impressive self-control, Lemy shrugged calmly. “I’ll tell you what _you’re_ going to do about it,” he said. “You’re not only going to apologize to _me,_ you’re going to come with me, back to my house, and apologize to my dad, my aunt, and _all_ of my sisters – _especially Lacy.”_

Joey and his friends laughed again. Joey picked up his slice of pizza. “…And what if I _don’t?”_

Lemy didn’t say a word. Instead, right as Joey was about to take a bite, he snatched the pizza slice out of his hand… and took a big bite out of it.

A chorus of _“Oooooh”_ s rang out from Joey’s friends, as Lemy stared straight at Joey as he chewed, while Joey glared right back. Joey’s friends then gaped silently as Lemy took Joey’s soda and washed down his bite of pizza with a big sip.

Lemy made a big show of gulping, then grinned at Joey. Joey suddenly sprang to his feet, and his friends stood up as well. Despite being shorter than Joey, Lemy stood his ground, staring him down.

Lemy tossed the pizza slice back into the box on the table, then jerked his head at the door. “…Wanna take this outside?”

Joey smiled down at him. He gestured towards the door. _“Ladies first.”_

Lemy smirked. “Aren’t you a gentleman.” He started walking towards the door, and Joey gave him a little shove to help him along. He and his four chuckling friends followed him.

Lemy and the others exited the building and circled around to the back, out of sight. Lemy flexed his fingers, bracing himself for what was about to go down.

Joey turned to his Asian friend. “Hey, Henry,” he said, “do you mind recording this? You know, for… _posterity?”_

Henry took out his phone and began recording a video, and Joey and his friends chuckled. “Even someone like you should know that it’s rude to take someone else’s food,” Joey said. He snapped his fingers. “Tyler, Ernie: teach this inbred _freak_ a lesson in manners.”

Joey’s black and Latino friends stepped up, circling around Lemy. Ernie, the Latino, faced Lemy head-on, while Tyler, the black one, crept up behind him.

Lemy showed no fear. “My beef is with Joey, not you,” he said. “Step aside, and let us settle this ourselves.”

Tyler and Ernie laughed. “Yeah?” Ernie said. _“Make us.”_

Lemy shook his head. “My beef is with Joey,” he repeated. “I’m not fighting you.”

Ernie laughed again. “Good – that’ll make this easier.”

Tyler grabbed Lemy from behind and put him in a full nelson, immobilizing his arms. Ernie then rushed in, delivering three punches to Lemy’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him. As Lemy’s knees buckled, Ernie then followed up with three hooks to his face.

Tyler released Lemy and spun him around, then hit him with a right hook. Lemy reeled from the blow, right towards Ernie, who hit him with a vicious uppercut. Lemy stumbled back towards Tyler, who hit him with two lefts and a hard right, knocking him to the ground.

Lemy struggled to push himself up, but Tyler and Ernie kicked him back down. He didn’t get another chance, as both of them began kicking, stomping, and pounding on him while he was down, and all he could do was curl up into a defensive ball.

Eventually, Lemy was left splayed out on the ground, aching all over, with Joey and his friends’ laughter ringing in his ears – along with another kind of ringing. Ordinarily, that would have been it for him – he would have been down for the count after a combo like that. But he couldn’t give up that easily – not _this_ time.

He rolled onto his stomach and looked up at Joey, who was sneering down at him. “…What’s the matter, Joey?” he said. “Too much of a pussy to fight me one-on-one?”

Joey’s friends _oooh_ ed at Lemy’s big words. Joey himself snickered to hide his anger. “…You know what?” he said. “Freak’s got a point. Guys, step aside. This fight’s _mine.”_

As Lemy got back on his feet, Joey cracked his knuckles, rolling his head from side to side. “Now, before we do this, I just want to give you fair warning, even if you don’t deserve it – do you know who I am?”

Lemy knew, but he didn’t feel like saying so. “You’re the asshole who broke my sister’s heart,” he replied. “That’s all I _need_ to know.”

Joey rolled his eyes. “Come on, it wasn’t just _me!_ You wanna get revenge for your sister, you’re gonna have to pick a fight with half of Royal Woods Middle School.” He started chuckling. “Oh, man… you should’ve heard them laughing when I called her an inbred…”

Lemy wiped the blood from his split lip, glaring at Joey. “…Then I’ll take them _all_ on – starting with _you.”_

_“Please._ You couldn’t even take on the _girls…”_

Lemy nodded. _“Hm…_ you may have a point.” He smirked. “They’re probably tougher than _you_ are.”

Another round of _oooh_ s came from Joey’s friends. Joey smirked, but his eyes told Lemy how he was _really_ feeling. “Okay, freak…” he said. “You talk a lot of trash, but can you back it up?” He put his hands behind his back, sticking out his chin. “Go on. _Hit me._ I’ll give you one free shot. Show me how tough you are.”

Lemy steadied himself, cracking his knuckles. He still knew that he couldn’t win, but hey – he could at least get a few good licks in. Joey stood where he was, waiting patiently. Lemy took a deep breath, wound up, summoned all his strength…

…and threw the punch. It connected, knocking Joey back a step, while Lemy was left shaking his hand, hopping and wincing.

_“Ah! Oh! OUCH!”_ Lemy cried. That _really_ hurt! How did the others make it look so easy and painless?

Joey’s friends laughed at Lemy, while Joey rubbed his chin. The blow smarted, but not much. _“Heh…_ That the best you can do, freak?” he said. He stopped Lemy’s hopping by grabbing him by the shirt.

_“My turn.”_

Joey began with three quick right jabs to Lemy’s face, then followed up with a mean hook. Lemy reeled, but with Joey still gripping his shirt, there was nowhere for him to go. As Joey punched him in the stomach repeatedly, knocking the wind out of him again, Lemy clenched his hands into fists, knowing that his only choice was to fight back – no matter how much hitting the other guy hurt.

He hammered the sides of Joey’s head a few times, forcing Joey to release him. Lemy staggered, gaining his balance, then threw another punch. It went wide, and Joey grabbed the outstretched arm and pulled Lemy forward – his fist meeting Lemy’s face halfway. Lemy stumbled backwards, and just as he regained his bearings, Joey hit him with one haymaker, then another, and the ground rushed up to meet Lemy again.

His ears were singing, and his mouth was filling with blood, but Lemy could still hear Joey’s friends laughing their heads off. Joey walked up to him, put one foot on his chest, and looked at him scornfully.

“Heh. _‘Lemy’?”_ Joey said. He spat on Lemy’s face. “More like _‘Lame-y’.”_ He stepped off and turned away. “Let’s go, fellas!”

Every instinct in Lemy’s mind told him to just lie there and accept defeat – to allow humiliation to come if it meant sparing him from further pain. But instead, Lemy forced himself up off the ground and stood on his two shaky legs, looking up to see Joey and his friends leaving, chuckling and chatting about the fight (“fight” being used in the loosest sense).

“…Guess it’s my win, then!” Lemy called out.

Joey’s group stopped, turning around to look at Lemy incredulously. Joey laughed – this he _had_ to hear. “Oh, _really?”_ he called back. “How so?”

Lemy took one hesitant step forward. _“I_ never admitted defeat,” he explained. He took another step forward. “That means the fight’s still going.” Another step forward. “And _you’re_ walking away. Ergo…” Another step, then no further. “…you _forfeit._ Ergo: _I win.”_

Joey nodded sarcastically. _“Riiiight…”_

Lemy beckoned Joey with a “bring it” gesture. “Come on, Joey – finish what you started.” He smirked condescendingly. “Unless you’re too _scared._ Unless you’re just a big, blubbering _bitch…”_

Joey glowered at Lemy amidst the amusement of his friends. This inbred freak was starting to test his patience. Shrugging, he stepped forwards. Meanwhile, Henry started recording again. “…All right,” Joey said. “If _that’s_ the way you wanna play, then _fine.”_ He grabbed Lemy by the shirt again and raised his fist. “I’m not gonna let up until I pound you into the dirt, freak – not even when you start _begging_ for mercy.”

In response, Lemy spat blood in his eye, for all his friends (and the camera) to see. “Do your worst,” he dared. _“See if I beg.”_

Joey wiped the bloody spit out of his eye, cursing. Hearing Lemy’s taunts, he started laughing, raising his fist again. “You asked for it…”

He pulled back his fist, then unleashed a vicious straight right… which Lemy blocked with his crossed arms. Lemy figured that if he _was_ going to take a pounding, then he should at least make an effort at defense. Even then, the force of the blow still knocked Lemy’s arms into his face. Joey threw another punch, then another, but Lemy kept his guard up.

Suddenly, Joey changed tactics, stomping on Lemy’s toes before driving his knee into his stomach. Lemy bent in half and gasped for air, caught off guard, and Joey took advantage by hitting him in the face, knocking him back up straight, then headbutting him.

Lemy’s head lolled back from the blow, but Joey grabbed it and yanked it down into his rising knee. Lemy staggered backwards, his head swimming, but Joey did not relent, hitting him first with a left haymaker, then a right to the gut. When Lemy doubled over again, Joey held him in place as he kneed him in the face again before dropping his elbow on the back of his neck. Lemy went down hard.

As Joey’s friends laughed, Joey beckoned to Lemy. “Come on,” he said, “get up…”

Lemy struggled back to his feet, then faced Joey, swaying. “Just so you know,” he said, “you passed up a chance to have sex with a girl when you rejected my sister.”

Joey and his friends were amused by that bit of information. “Is that right?” Joey said. “Well, I wouldn’t want to have sex with a girl like _her,_ anyways. Maybe she should just go fuck your _dad._ Hell, maybe _you_ should go fuck your dad – that’s the only sex you’ll ever have, anyways!”

As Joey and his friends laughed, Lemy stumbled towards him. He threw one punch, then another. Neither connected. Joey hit him with a left, then a right, then an uppercut, knocking Lemy over once again.

Joey stood over Lemy, grinning victoriously. “Had enough?” he asked.

Lemy slowly got back up again, to Joey’s amusement. “Guess not…”

The fight resumed. Lemy threw a weak punch, but Joey caught his fist, twisting his arm and leaving his face vulnerable to another series of blows. Joey swung his fist back and forth, knocking Lemy’s head with one hammer fist after another, until Lemy was left kneeling on the ground. Joey kneed him in the face a couple times, then let him fall.

But still Lemy planted both his palms flat against the ground, pushing himself upright. Joey couldn’t help but be impressed by his opponent’s tenacity, though he didn’t show it.

“You just don’t know when to give up, do you?” he said.

Lemy stayed on his knees for a few moments, then found the strength to stand back up again. “…And _you_ just don’t know how to apologize, do you?” he retorted.

Joey scoffed. _“Tch!_ ‘Apologize’… I’ve got your apology right _here!”_

Before Lemy could even react, Joey hit him with three left jabs, then a one-two punch. Before Lemy could topple over again, Joey grabbed him by the shirt and yanked him forwards, headbutting him in the mouth. He left Lemy standing there in a daze, backed up… then kicked him in the face, aweing his friends.

Joey kneeled down next to Lemy. “How’s _that_ for an apology?”

Lemy groaned in response, making Joey laugh. “What a wimp.”

Joey stood up, giving him one last kick before walking away, satisfied. As Lemy lay on the ground, wallowing in pain, a voice inside him told him, _He’s right, Lemy. You never had any business coming here and picking a fight with him. Now just stay down and don’t make this any worse for yourself._ But as he watched Joey walk away, another voice spoke up, increasing in volume. _Yes, Lemy,_ it said, _he’s right – you ARE a wimp. A wimp who’s fighting for his family. So get up, you wimp._

As Lemy lifted himself up, he shifted his jaw – and felt something come loose. Reaching inside, he grabbed one of his molars, pulled it out, and looked at it. _Oh, well,_ he thought, _Aunt Lisa can replace it. …Maybe…_ Putting the tooth in his pocket, he forced himself back onto his feet.

Tyler pointed out Lemy’s recovery to Joey, who turned back around. “You know, Joey…” Lemy said, “…I never said I _wasn’t_ a wimp. So… I guess I _am_ a wimp.”

Joey and his friends looked at him, perplexed. “But hey…” Lemy continued, “…at least I _own_ it. You…?” He pointed a shaky finger at Joey. “…I thought you were supposed to be _tough.”_

Joey rolled his eyes, figuring Lemy was just blowing hot air again. But then, Lemy said:

“But how tough can you be… if you can’t even put a wimp like _me_ down?”

Joey’s friends started murmuring amongst themselves, while Joey fumed. This wimpy, inbred freak was starting to make him look bad. He started back towards Lemy, rubbing his knuckles.

“…That’s ‘cause I haven’t really been _trying,_ freak,” he said.

“Oh… _I_ see… So, all _that_ was just a… what, a _warmup?”_ Lemy snickered. “All right, then. It’s getting late, isn’t it? And we’ve got plans for tomorrow, I’ll bet. So go on, then. Put me down.” He held out his arms. _“Hit me.”_

Joey faced off against Lemy. Lemy didn’t move, silently daring Joey to hit him. Indignation boiled in Joey’s veins, until finally he wound up and threw a powerful punch with a snarl on his face.

Lemy made no attempt to block or dodge the blow. He took it right on the nose, stumbling backwards, but not falling. He smirked – the pain was starting to even out, lose its impact. He walked back up to Joey casually.

“Are you kidding me?” he said. “I said _‘hit me.’”_

Flabbergasted, Joey wound up a hook and threw it with all his might. This time, Lemy stayed standing where he was. “Come on! Hit me harder!”

Joey hit him with another strong hook. _“Harder!”_

Another strike, this one even more powerful than the last. _“HARDER, I SAID!”_

Joey grabbed Lemy by the shirt and hit him as hard as he could three times in quick succession. Afterwards, he shook his hand, grimacing. His fingernails were bleeding, and his knuckles were really starting to hurt.

Lemy started laughing. He figured that if he couldn’t hurt Joey’s _body,_ then at least he could hurt his _pride._ “My sister Leia can hit harder than you!” he said.

Joey did not take kindly to this, hammering Lemy on the left ear twice. Despite this, Lemy kept laughing.

“And that’s _nothing_ compared to Lacy!” he continued. _“Heh, heh…_ No wonder you were scared to date her – she’s stronger than you’ll _ever_ be!”

Implying that he was afraid of _anything,_ let alone Lacy, enraged Joey to the point where he ignored the pain in his knuckles and started punching Lemy in the mouth in an effort to shut him up.

It failed. As soon as Joey eased up, Lemy said, “…Or maybe… you turned her down because you don’t like girls at all…?”

Joey’s friends gasped, while Joey’s eyes widened in utter disbelief. _“…What_ did you say?”

“Heh… _‘Joey’?”_ Lemy made a circle with his hand, then pumped it at his open mouth. “…More like _‘Blow-ey’.”_

Joey’s face contorted with rage. The fact that his friends were impressed by Lemy’s appropriation of an earlier diss did not help matters. Growling furiously, he grabbed Lemy’s hand and started forcing Lemy to hit himself with it. Dissatisfied with the amount of damage this was doing, he got in close and kneed Lemy in the crotch.

Joey’s friends winced and covered their privates as Joey nailed Lemy in the groin again and again. When Lemy fell to his knees, Joey kneed him in the face three times. He grabbed Lemy by the collar and hauled him up close.

_“The only faggot around here is YOU!”_ Joey shouted. He then threw Lemy to the ground, stomping on his head once for good measure. He waited to make sure that Lemy wasn’t making any attempt to get up again, then turned around and walked away, frustrated. This whole exercise had turned out to not be nearly as satisfying as he thought it would be. His friends were all staring at him, stunned.

“What?” he said. “What the fuck are you all staring at?!” He glared at each of them, expecting an answer.

But as he saw their eyes… he realized that they weren’t staring at _him._

“You know…” a voice behind him said, “…I don’t think it’s enough to apologize to me and my family anymore…”

Joey turned around incredulously, to see Lemy standing there, yet again. Lemy grinned, flashing his bleeding gums at Joey and his gang. He knew this was a low blow, but it was the only thing he could think of to keep the fight going. “Now…” He pointed at Joey. “…you’ve gotta go home… and apologize to your _mother,_ for being _born_ , and _ruining her LIFE!”_

Joey’s entire crew gaped. _“Oh, shit…”_ Ernie whispered.

Lemy watched Joey’s face turn from a mixture of shock and sadness to pure, unbridled rage. Clearly, he had struck a nerve. He waved dismissively. “Yeah… go on. Run on home, you little _accident…”_

Joey gritted his teeth, clenching his hands into fists at his side. “Dude, shut up…” Tyler warned.

“You owe your entire pathetic existence to a _broken condom!”_

Veins started bulging in Joey’s neck. “Dude, seriously, _shut up!”_ Henry said.

“Who the hell are _you_ to talk down to us for being inbred? Yeah, our parents might be related, but at least they _wanted us!”_

_“SHUT UP!”_ Joey roared. _“You shut the FUCK up! You have NO fucking idea what you’re talking about, so SHUT YOUR **FUCKING** MOUTH!”_

Lemy laughed. “Or _what?”_ This time, it was his turn to sneer at Joey. _“You gonna come over here and shut it for me?”_

Screaming at the top of his lungs, Joey charged at Lemy like a bull seeing red. Lemy just planted his feet in the ground and held his hands out from side to side, as if saying: _Come at me, bro._

And he did – Joey plowed into Lemy, tackling him to the ground. Without wasting any time, he got up and started stomping on Lemy’s crotch, chest, and stomach, even going so far as to jump on Lemy’s chest, breaking a few ribs.

Lemy screamed in pain, but Joey did not relent. He kicked Lemy’s head, shoulders, sides, and legs, stomping on his left ankle several times. He grabbed Lemy’s right arm and picked it up, holding it between his legs and grabbing his wrist and forearm with both hands.

_“TAKE IT BACK!”_ Joey yelled. _“Take it back RIGHT NOW!”_

Even despite the maelstrom of pain he was gripped in, Lemy still did not give in. _“Make me!”_ he shouted defiantly.

Sputtering incoherently, Joey took Lemy’s arm and slammed it across his thigh, hard and repeatedly, until he heard the bones snap. Lemy howled in agony, but Joey shut him up by stomping on his face, then kicked and stomped on him some more until he had to catch his breath, utterly exhausted. He looked at Lemy, lying broken on the ground, then gave him one last kick before walking away.

Joey returned to his friends, who all stared at him, horrified. “Don’t fucking look at me like that!” he snapped. “You heard what he said! You know he wouldn’t shut up! You know he’s the one who refused to stay down!” He started walking away, and as his cohorts reluctantly followed him, he started chuckling cruelly. “…I’d like to see him get up after _that –”_

He was interrupted by Lemy running up behind him and tackling him to the ground. Joey’s friends jumped back.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking _kidding me!”_ Ernie shouted.

Lemy was most certainly not kidding. Enraged by the pain, his anger enabled him to ignore it as he grabbed Joey’s head and started bouncing it like a basketball. He did this for as long as he could until the pain overrode his anger, then flipped Joey over and started punching him in the face. Gritting his teeth, tears in his eyes, Lemy held Joey’s collar with his right hand while pounding on his face with his left.

Then, to everyone’s surprise… he stopped.

Lemy wiped the tears out of his eyes, looking at Joey. He was dazed, taken completely by surprise. By all means, Lemy should have pressed the attack. And yet… he _didn’t._ This didn’t feel right. He had the advantage… but he had attacked Joey in the back to get it.

And that simply would not do.

Lemy threw Joey to the ground, then stood up. _“Get up!”_ he shouted, pointing at Joey. “Get up and _fight_ me, you _pussy!_ What’s the matter, can’t take what you dish out? Come on! _I said STAND UP!”_

Joey slowly got to his feet. “Oh, I can _take it,_ freak…” He pounced on Lemy, knocking him to the ground.

_“…and I can give it BACK!”_

He clasped his hands together and brought them both down on Lemy’s face, pounding it harder than ever before. Joey had gotten his second wind, and he was fully prepared to use it. He hit Lemy with hook after hook, left by right and back again… then put his thumbs to Lemy’s eyes and started gouging.

Lemy shut his eyes, screaming, trying to fight the pressure any way he could. It was at this point that one of Joey’s friends finally decided to intervene.

Tyler ran up to Joey, putting one hand on his shoulder. “Dude, that’s enough!” he said.

Joey shook his hand off. He took his thumbs away from Lemy’s eyes and grabbed him by the ears, standing up and dragging him over to the wall. Grabbing a fistful of Lemy’s hair, Joey started grinding his face against the wall.

Appalled, Tyler wrapped his arms around Joey’s waist and started tugging. “Joey, that’s _enough!”_

_“Shut up!”_ Joey said, jerking his head back and headbutting Tyler. When Tyler recoiled, Joey kicked him away. He then started slamming Lemy’s head into the wall as hard as he could, until the wall was painted red. Joey pulled Lemy back, surveying the damage, then returned the favor from earlier, bouncing his head against the pavement.

Finally, Joey stopped his brutal assault, completely spent. He bent over, heaving. Tyler cradled his bleeding nose, quietly swearing. Ernie and Henry alternated between watching Joey warily and looking at Lemy lying on the ground, afraid that he would not get up ever again. Henry was still recording.

Joey looked at Lemy, admiring his handiwork. Surely, _that_ had to have done the trick.

That was what he thought. Then Lemy started getting up again.

Joey sighed in utter exasperation. He had to put an end to this, _now._ He kicked Lemy back down to the ground.

“…Hey,” he said. “Hey, _freak._ _Hey._ Can you still hear me?”

Lemy turned his gaze towards Joey, raised his left hand… and flipped him off.

“…I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” Joey grabbed Lemy’s finger and broke it. Lemy grunted – as horrible as it was to say, the pain from that was nothing compared to everything else.

Joey reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocketknife, which he unfolded before Lemy’s eyes. “You see this?” he said. “You know what this is?”

Lemy uttered a wet, bloody chuckle. “N… Nice… butter knife…”

_“‘Butter knife’._ Yeah. That’s funny.” Joey swiped at Lemy’s cheek, drawing blood. “Now listen to me, freak. We’ve both had our fun, alright? But it’s getting late, I’m getting tired, and this is getting _really fucking old._ I don’t want to have to use this on you, but I will if you make me. So do yourself a big, fat favor, and _don’t get up!”_

He gave Lemy a solid kick in the broken rib, then walked away.

Lemy lay there, in unimaginable agony, and pondered Joey’s words. Maybe he was bluffing. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe doing all this was a mistake – maybe Lemy should have just left well enough alone. Maybe if he pushed this any further, he would _die._

All this… because he insulted Lacy?

Joey gathered his group back together. All his friends stared at him, horrified. He scowled at all of them.

“Don’t you _fucking_ look at me like that. _He_ started this. _He_ continued this. And _I_ had to end it – for _his_ sake. Believe me… I did him a favor.”

He started walking away. His friends didn’t follow him. Joey turned back to them. “Well, _come the fuck on._ What are you waiting for?”

Tyler, Ernie, and Henry all looked at each other uneasily. They thought Joey would never hurt them, but…

…But then, he was only angry at _Lemy,_ now wasn’t he?

Shoulders slumped a little, they all started following Joey. Smirking, Joey started leading them away from the scene. “Hey, you think Gus’ is still open?” he said.

“U-Uh…” Henry said. “W-Well… it doesn’t close until 9, and… it’s 8:50, now.”

“Then we’ve still got time. Come on, guys – that worked up an appetite. One last pizza for the road, on me!”

“…Hey.”

A voice made everyone stop dead in their tracks. Turning around slowly, Joey Damone and co. saw, to their complete astonishment, Lemy Loud slowly getting to his feet.

_“…I still haven’t heard that apology.”_

Joey and his friends were utterly dumbfounded. By all accounts, Lemy shouldn’t even be _conscious,_ let alone _standing._ Henry secretly began recording again. _“Wh – Bu – I – Y-You –”_ Joey stammered. “D… Did you hear what I just _said?!”_

Between his broken finger and his broken arm, Lemy had to gingerly push himself upright. “…I heard you.”

Joey reached into his pocket and pulled out his pocketknife. “I’m _serious,_ man! _I am NOT fucking around!”_

Lemy got on his feet, trying not to put weight on his left ankle. “…Neither am I.”

Joey hesitated. This was getting out of control. As Lemy turned to face him, he steeled his resolve. Glaring at Lemy, he unfolded the pocketknife and brandished it at him.

“Back off. _Last warning.”_

Lemy turned to face him, uttering a low, quiet chuckle that unnerved everyone who heard it. Raising his right arm, he jabbed a thumb at himself.

“…That’s _my_ line, asshole.”

He started approaching Joey, but stumbled. His head was all foggy and light, and his foot and balls really hurt. Seeing how uneasy Lemy was on his feet made Joey laugh. “Look at you,” he said. “You look _pathetic._ Your entire body’s _fucked the fuck up._ What can _you_ do to _me?”_

Lemy limped closer and closer, practically dragging himself along. Head bowed low, he whispered:

_“This.”_

With surprising speed and force, Lemy lashed out, striking Joey’s right eye with the heel of his palm. Joey stumbled backwards, raising his hands to his face… but forgetting that he still had the knife in his hands. He cut himself on his eyebrow, sliding upwards, narrowly missing his eye.

Joey hopped up and down, shouting expletives. His friends couldn’t help but find this funny. Lemy laughed along with them, punch drunk. As he heard Lemy’s laughter, a volcano erupted inside Joey.

This wimpy, annoying, inbred freak had humiliated him for the _last time._

Henry was the first to stop laughing, as he saw what Joey was about to do. “Don’t…!” he shouted. _“Don’t –!”_

But it was too little, too late. Joey rushed at Lemy…

…and knifed him.

The blade sank into Lemy’s stomach, just above the navel. He, Tyler, and Ernie all stopped laughing. Joey grabbed his shoulder and thrusted, pushing the knife in deeper, then left it sticking there. He backed away, clearly pleased with himself.

“Y-You… You…” Henry stuttered. “You… You _did it…! You actually fucking DID IT!”_

Tyler, Ernie, and Henry all started freaking out, while Lemy stared blankly at the knife lodged in his belly, feebly grasping the handle.

_“Shut up!”_ Joey shouted. “Everyone _shut up!”_

“Jesus _Christ,_ man,” Ernie said, “do you have any idea what you’ve just _done?!”_

“Don’t fucking lecture me.” Joey pointed at Lemy decisively. “That’ll teach you to fuck with me, you _ugly, pathetic, shit-for-brains inbr–”_

Lemy pulled out the knife, studying it. Smiling tiredly, he looked at Joey from beneath his brows.

_“Heh…_ That the best you can do, _punk?”_

He tossed the knife at Joey’s feet.

_“MY turn.”_

Slowly, he started advancing on Joey. Joey and his friends all backed away, intimidated.

“Y-Y-You know what?” Joey said. “Th-This isn’t worth it anymore. C-Come on, guys, l-let’s get out of here!”

He and the others promptly turned tail and fled, with Joey throwing an ineffectual parting shot of _“So long, freak!”_ over his shoulder.

_“I’ll be waiting for that apology!”_ Lemy shouted back. As he heard their footsteps retreat into the distance, he grinned triumphantly. He had done it. He’d defended his family honor. He _won._

…So why didn’t it _feel_ like a victory?

Lemy looked down at his stomach, where a red blot on his shirt was steadily spreading outwards. Oh, yeah… _that_ might have something to do with it. That, and the broken finger, the broken arm, the broken ribs, the possibly broken ankle…

Pressing his left hand against the wound, his right arm hanging limply from his side, Lemy started limping around the Gus’ Games and Grub building and across the parking lot towards the street. It was slow progress, painfully slow… but he got there.

A passerby out on a late stroll happened upon him as he started approaching the street. He was quite unsure what to make of the sight of the heavily injured boy gimping towards him. “Uh… kid?” the man said. “You alright?”

Lemy chuckled. “Just gotta… walk this off…”

He just had to get to the hospital… or home. Whichever was closer. Wait, didn’t he have a bike? Yeah, he distinctly remembered coming here by bike. It was probably chained up near the building. Of course, he only remembered that _after_ he had made it all the way to the sidewalk. Lemy turned around, started walking back towards Gus’ Games and Grub…

…and fell like a tree.

_“Kid!”_

The pavement might have been hard, but it was still awfully comfy. Lemy was really disappointed that the man turned him over – he was perfectly cozy where he was.

“Oh, _jeez!_ Oh, _fuck!_ Oh, _God!_ Oh, _man…”_ The passerby fished out his cellphone and dialed 9-1-1. “H-Hello? 9-1-1? I – Th-There’s a kid here, he’s all bloody, and…” He lifted up Lemy’s shirt. “Oh, God, I-I think he’s been _stabbed!_ Please, _send help!”_

Lemy stared up at the sky. The night sky in Royal Woods was always so beautiful. The stars seemed so close… That reminded him – it was close to bedtime…

The man put pressure on Lemy’s wound. “O-Okay, kid, okay, don’t worry! Th-The ambulance is on the way! J-Just _stay with me!”_

Lemy didn’t want to stay awake. He had quite a headache, and he was starting to feel warm and fuzzy…

“K-Kid? Kid, stay with me! Kid! _Kid…!”_

Lemy closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	2. No Risk, No Reward

Lincoln Loud lounged in bed, tired but satisfied. He and his sister Leni had just finished another round of lovemaking, and both were basking in the afterglow. Lincoln looked over at Leni, lying beside him, her pert breasts exposed and a deliriously happy smile on her face, and smiled along with her. Leni was so sweet, so kind – along with Lynn, making love to her truly was “making love”. She may not have been his _favorite,_ but she was still one of his favorites.

He reached over and cupped Leni’s cheek. Leni nuzzled his hand. _“Mmm…_ I love you, Linky…” she said.

Lincoln kissed her forehead. “I love you too, Leni.”

Sighing contentedly, he got up, picked his underwear up off the floor, and put it on, along with a bathrobe. That done, he left the room and went upstairs to wait in line for the shower. Lincoln breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Soon, the day would be over, and it would be his favorite time of the day – bedtime. After a long day of working, parenting the kids, and satisfying his sisters’ and daughters’… _needs…_ for him, nothing beat the feeling of crawling into bed and drifting off to restful slumber.

Lyra was at the front of the line, followed by Leia, Lizy, Lupa, Lacy, and finally Liby. Lincoln tapped Liby on the shoulder. “Hey, sweetie, who’s in there?” he asked.

“Liena,” Liby replied.

Lincoln scratched his chin. “Hmm… where’s Lemy?”

 “Don’t know. He went out saying something about _‘defending a fair maiden’s honor’._ Don’t know what _that_ was all about…”

Lincoln sighed. “Guess I’ll give him a call, find out where he is and tell him to come home…”

Lincoln headed back downstairs, where Leni was on the landline. When he got to the foot of the stairs, she held out the phone.

“Linky?” she said. “It’s for you.”

Lincoln took the phone. “Hello? Yes…?” He listened… and the color drained from his face.

Leni reached out to him, worried. “Linky…? What’s wrong…?”

Lincoln fainted, dropping the phone and collapsing to the ground.

_“Linky!”_

_“Dad?!”_

(…)

As the harried stagehands jogged back and forth, getting the show ready, Luna Loud sat in a quiet corner backstage and meditated. It was almost time again – time to step on stage, face the crowd, and do what she did best. And yet, as always, she couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. There was always the chance, the slightest chance, that something, _anything,_ could go wrong. But again, as always, she felt the obligation, the _need,_ to give the people what they love…

Luna smiled, pushing the bad thoughts out of her head. She was Luna Loud – born to be a rock star. And _nothing_ would stop her from going out there and putting on a killer show.

A stagehand walked up to her. “Ms. Loud?” he said. “Five minutes.”

She looked up and smiled at him. “Thanks, dude. And seriously – call me Luna.”

Luna got up and stretched. This was it – _showtime._ She prepared to join her bandmates in the wings, nodding her head to the beat of the music. The band that was opening for them was a new one, but they had a great sound. She had a feeling that they were going to go far, as long as they stayed true to that sound.

She saw her bandmates waiting in the wings, but Chunk, her faithful roadie, ran up to her. Chunk had supported her since before her rise to fame, and all throughout it, too. He was an honorary uncle to Lyra and Lemy – in fact, he was one of the few people whom the Louds trusted with their… _family secrets._

Chunk reached out to her. “Luna, luv, hold on,” he said.

Luna stopped and turned around to face him. He didn’t have her guitar with him like he usually did. “Yo, Chunk, there you are! Where’s my axe, dude?”

Chunk shook his head; he looked really distressed. “I… I don’t think you’ll be wanting it soon, luv…”

Luna cocked an eyebrow. “Huh…? What’s wrong?”

Chunk finally got up the courage to look Luna in the eyes – and now she saw that he was crying. “…I jus’ got a call from your sister.” He gulped. “It’s… It’s _Lemy.”_

The way he said it made Luna’s blood run cold. “Wh… _What…?”_

Luna’s band, “LOUD”, listened as the opening band finished their song and accepted the audience’s cheers. Tabby, the rhythm guitarist, and Benjy, the bassist, fiddled with their instruments, knowing it was almost time to go on. Duke, the drummer, stood tapping his foot as he saw Chunk run up to them, guitar in hand.

“Chunk?” Duke said. “Where’s Luna?”

Chunk shook his head. “…She’s gone, mate.”

Luna’s bandmates all started and stared at Chunk, aghast. _“WHAT?!”_

Chunk nodded. “Family emergency.”

Duke stomped his foot. _“Argh!_ That _bitch!_ How the hell can she bail on us _now?!”_

“You guys,” said Benjy, “what are we gonna do? We can’t go on without Luna…”

“You _can.”_ Chunk slung the guitar strap over his shoulder. “She tol’ me to fill in for her.”

Duke scoffed. _“You?_ The _roadie?”_

“I can rock ‘n’ roll jus’ as well as you, mate. Luna said she wouldn’t trust anyone else to do this.”

Duke ground his teeth. Finally, he turned to the others. “I don’t like this…”

Tabby shared an uneasy glance with Benjy, then shrugged. “…Sounds to me like we don’t ‘ave a choice, mate.”

A stagehand ran up to Chunk and the members of LOUD. “It’s almost time,” he said. “Where’s Ms. Loud?”

Duke looked at Benjy and Tabby, then at Chunk, then hung his head, sighing. “…She left. _‘Family emergency’._ Chunk here will be filling in for her. Go tell the MC.”

The stagehand turned pale. “Wh- _What?_ I –”

“What are you waiting for?! _Go!”_

The stagehand jumped, nervously toeing the edge of the stage as the MC came back onstage. Duke shook his head at Chunk. “This had better be a big fucking emergency…”

“It _is,_ mate. I’ll tell you after the show.”

The MC addressed the eager crowd. “Alright, let’s hear it one more time for the Wyld Stallyns! And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for… The one… _the only… LOUD!”_

(…)

For what felt like years, Lemy floated in the endless void. It was dark – darker than any darkness he had ever encountered before.

And yet… he wasn’t afraid.

He couldn’t describe it, but… it was as if he _felt_ something, all around him. It surrounded him, cushioned him, protected him…

Comforted him.

Lemy remained in the absence of all things, not thinking, not dreaming… just _existing._  He didn’t know how long he had been there (or even how he got there to begin with, for that matter), but it didn’t bother him much.

Then… he saw a light.

It was a faint light, far away. Lemy tried reaching for it, but he couldn’t touch it. Then, he felt the force around him slowly pushing him forwards, towards the light. It got brighter, more radiant. Lemy was awestruck at the glory of it all.

A voice that might have been his own reverberated in the empty space. _So… beautiful…_

The light grew brighter and brighter, drew closer and closer. As he approached it (or _it_ approached _him),_ he began to hear voices emanating from it – familiar voices. Did he know those people on the other side?

They were calling out to him, calling for him to join them. In his heart, he exulted, because he knew he was wanted. He allowed himself to be pushed closer and closer, towards that warm, glowing light, closing his eyes as it surrounded him, eventually enveloping him completely…

(…)

It took time, but Lemy’s eyes eventually fluttered open and stayed open, adjusting to the light. Slowly, the room came into focus. It was painted white, the light from a nearby window bouncing off the walls and illuminating the entire room, and sparsely decorated, from what he could see. His mind was muddled, confused, but it managed to form a single thought:

_Where… am I…?_

He tried to think about it, but it was so hard to think. Where was he? How did he get here? Lemy tried to recall what he _did_ know. The last thing he remembered was doing… _something_ involving his family. His family… Lemy remembered he had a family, a big one, but he couldn’t remember their names, although they were dancing on the tip of his tongue. Lemy…? No, no, that was _his_ name – he was sure of that. “L”, it was definitely a name that started with “L”…

“ _Lucas”?_ he thought. _No… “Lionel”? No, no, too many letters…_

_…Too many letters! That’s right! There were only four letters each!_

_Okay, that should make things easier. Let’s see… “Liam”? No… Um… Le… Lei… “Leia”…? “Leia”! Yes! That’s right! Okay, that’s one. Hmmm… maybe… maybe if I take it one letter at a time… yeah… Okay, La… Laa… Lab… Lac…_

_Lack… Lase… Lase… Lase-ee? LACY! Yes! I’ve got it! “Lacy”! Okay, that’s Lacy, and… wait, what was the first one…? Oh, yeah, Leia. Lacy and Leia. Okay, what’s next? Lad…_

Lemy spent an unknown amount of time piecing his mind together like that, until he was sure he could remember his family. So, what _about_ his family? When Lemy thought about it, he remembered someone crying, and him getting really mad over it. Then he remembered going someplace else, then talking to some unfamiliar guy who made him mad, and then…

…nothing. _Nothing._ Every time Lemy tried to think about what happened after that, his mind drew a blank. That was frustrating.

Lemy blinked. _Okay, so let’s just skip over that part. What next?_ He thought about it. _…Oh! The nothing! I remember the nothing! There was me, and there was nothing, and then… the light. Oh, the light… So beautiful, so serene… like nothing I’d ever seen before. That feeling when it took me in…_

His thoughts ground to a halt. _Wait a minute… I’ve heard of this. Nothing, then a bright light, then moving towards the light…_

Lemy’s eyes widened. _Am I… dead?_

He looked around. This bright white room, this cozy, comfortable feeling all around him…

_Yes… that explains it… I’m in Heaven…_

He felt at ease then – at peace. Then, he heard the familiar _click-clack_ ing of a door opening and shutting. Someone came into his vision.

It was a woman – a beautiful, blonde woman dressed in white. Lemy wanted to ask her if she was an angel, but all that came out of his mouth was _“Mmmnnnnnnnnnuuuuuuugghhhhh…”_

The woman spoke to him reassuringly, telling him in a soothing, motherly voice that it was alright. Lemy relaxed, smiling. She _was_ an angel. He was sure of it.

The angel told him to lie back and get some rest for now. It was only now that Lemy realized that he was in a bed – that explained the warm, comfy feeling. He didn’t know why he was in a bed – or in this room, for that matter – but then again, the only people who have been in Heaven are dead people. And dead men tell no tales…

But resting sounded good to Lemy. He settled back into bed and closed his eyes.

When he opened his eyes again, the room was a little darker. It was dark outside the window, and a ceiling light illuminated the room. Lemy’s mind felt much clearer now. He looked around, noting the changes in the room…

…and saw his sister, Lyra, kneeling by the right-hand side of the bed with her eyes closed, her head bowed, and her hands clasped together.

_“Urrrgh…_ Lyra…?” Lemy said. “What are you doing here…?”

Lyra frowned. _“Praying,”_ she snapped. “For _you._ Can’t you show a _little_ appreciation for the things I do for you?” After a moment, her eyes snapped open and her head shot up as she realized who exactly interrupted her praying. “Wait – _Lemy?!”_

“Praying? What’s praying going to do? We’re already in Heaven…”

_“LEMY!”_

Lyra sprang to her feet and wrapped her arms around Lemy’s head and neck, showering him with kisses. Flustered, Lemy weakly tried to fend her off. _“Ah…!_ Okay, Ly, _okay!_ I get it! It’s good to see you too, now could you _please –?”_

He raised his right arm to try to push her away, and he saw that it was in a cast. As he spoke, he also became aware of the oxygen mask on his face. As Lyra separated from him, he got a look at the machine he was connected to, and it was then that he realized where he _really_ was.

_Oh…_ he thought, _…this isn’t Heaven, this is a hospital. That’s… better…?_

Lyra ran to the door, opened it, and poked her head out into the hallway. _“Hey, everybody!”_ she said. _“Lemy’s awake!”_

Lemy heard a thunderous stampede outside, and then, all at once, his family came rushing in. All of them were overjoyed to see him alive and conscious (some showing it more than others), and soon he was surrounded by his aunts and sisters, most of them voicing their relief and cooing lovingly to him.

Lizy crawled up onto the bed and threw her arms around him, burying her face in his hospital gown. _“Lemy…”_ she sobbed.

Lemy brushed her hair past her ear. _“Shhh…_ There, there, Lizy, it’s okay. I’m here.”

Lizy lifted up her head to look at him with tear-filled eyes, a string of snot stretching from her nose to his gown. _“No!_ No, it’s _not_ okay! We were so _scared,_ Lemy!” She lowered her head to his chest again. “We thought you were gonna _die…”_

Lemy patted her head. _“Heh…_ For a second there, I thought I _was_ dead…”

Aunt Leni gasped. _“What?_ Lemy, how could you say that?”

Lemy then related what he had seen while he was asleep – the endless void, and the light he had floated towards. “…Although, come to think of it,” he said, pointing at the ceiling, “it was probably just that ceiling light.”

Everyone chuckled at that – everyone except Lyra, that is. “Lemy…” she said, “…while you were in your coma –”

Lemy jerked upwards. “Wait – I was in a _coma?!”_

Lyra eased Lemy back into a lying position. “Careful, Lemy! You almost threw Lulu off …”

Lemy looked confused. “Huh?”

Everyone pointed to Lemy’s left. Turning his head, he saw that Lulu was clinging to his robe for dear life. _“Oh!_ Jeez, sorry, Lulu, didn’t see you there.” He _did_ feel a weight on his chest, but he thought that was just Lizy. He raked his fingers through Lulu’s hair (noticing that there was a splint on the middle finger). “How’ve you been, huh?”

Lulu smiled, wrapping her little arms as far around his neck as she could and snuggling him.

“Aww, I missed you too. Wait a minute…” Lemy furrowed his brows. Why hadn’t he seen her? Reaching up to his left eye, he felt something covering it – something that covered half his face as well. A bandage.

“Oh… Oh my _God,_ my _eye! I-Is it gone?! Is it not working?!”_

“No, no, no, your eye’s working fine, Lemy!” Lyra said. “That bandage is just for your face.”

“M-My _face…?”_

Lupa nodded. “Mm-hmm. I snuck a peek under the bandage, once. _Real_ gnarly.”

Lemy sighed. _Goodbye, good looks,_ he thought. _I barely had time to enjoy thee._ “Any _other_ injuries?” he asked.

Aunt Lisa cleared her throat. “Well, from what I read of the medical report, there were two skull fractures, two closed globe lamellar lacerations, three missing teeth, one closed radioulnar fracture, one closed metacarpal fracture, six rib fractures, testicular trauma, and torn ankle ligaments.”

Lemy shook his head. _“Damn._ What the hell happened? And what have I missed?”

 “We’ll tell you later. Listen, Lemy, while you were in a coma, did you…” Lyra started rubbing the crucifix in her hands with her thumbs. “Did you… hear, or see, anything?”

Lemy knew exactly what she was asking about. “W-Well, uh…” He didn’t know what to say – he knew how much Lyra cared about this kind of stuff. “I… well, I… I didn’t really… _hear,_ or _see,_ anything…”

Lyra started deflating.

“But –! But, but, but I _felt_ something! Yeah, I felt something all around me! It was this… _presence,_ you know? It surrounded me in the void, and it filled me with warmth and comfort, and it pushed me into the light…”

Lyra’s face lit up with jubilation. She grabbed Lemy’s cast-bound arm and shook it gently but excitedly. “That was the _Lord,_ Lemy!” she said. “He _protected you –_ He guarded your soul, and made you feel loved, and then He brought you _back!_ He brought you _back to us!”_ She looked up at the ceiling, tears in her eyes, and clasped her hands together. “Oh, _praise you,_ Lord! I knew you would not forsake us!”

Aunt Lisa adjusted her glasses. “Oh, _please._ For the last time, there is no such thing as a supreme deity, Lyra. What Lemy experienced in his comatose state was his unconscious mind playing tricks on him. More likely, the blanket wrapped around him provided him with the ‘warmth’ that he felt, not your precious ‘Lord’.”

“And besides,” Lupa said, “if God really _does_ exist, he _‘forsook’_ this family _long_ ago.” She started pulling out a cigarette.

“Indeed,” Aunt Lucy said.

Lyra glared at her sister. “First of all, Lupa, _no smoking in the hospital._ If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…”

Lupa tucked the cigarette behind her ear. _“Hmph.”_

“And second of all, you’re _wrong._ Both of you. God loves _all_ His children, and He watches over _all_ of us – even those who don’t deserve or appreciate it, like _you.”_

The entire crowd broke out in argument then, with some family members joining either side of the argument (Aunt Lana notably taking Lyra’s side, as she usually did on this issue), others (like Aunt Leni and Liena) trying to break it up, still others (like Loan and Lulu) trying to stay out of the fighting, Aunt Luan cracking jokes at all parties, and Lizy just shouting because she didn’t want to feel left out.

And amidst all the chaos, Lemy sank into the bed smiling, thinking, _Now THIS feels like home…_

After a few minutes of bedlam, Aunt Lori and the other mediators managed to silence the two opposing sides. _“Enough!”_ Aunt Lori shouted. “This argument is _literally_ pointless!” She gestured to Lemy. “There’s someone else who’s more deserving of _all_ our attention…”

Chastened, the Loud girls and their mothers all turned back to Lemy. _“…Sorry, Lemy…”_ they all said.

Lemy shook his head. “No worries, guys. It’s all good.”

“How are you feeling, Lemy?” Liena asked.

“Well, _confused,_ for one,” Lemy replied. “I mean, I just woke up in the hospital, I found out I was in a coma for – how long?”

“Two weeks,” Liby said.

“—for two weeks, and I have _no idea_ why. What in Satan’s unholy name happened?”

Leia looked at him incredulously. “Wha – are you saying you _don’t remember?_ How can you not remember?! You were _there!”_

“The last thing I remember is confronting that punk Joey Damone at Gus’ Games and Grub. Did it have something to do with _that?”_

Aunt Lisa spoke up again. “Siblings and nieces, I believe I can explain. It would seem that Lemy is suffering from retrograde amnesia, no doubt due to the repeated blows to the head that he sustained. It seems that he cannot remember anything that happened during the fight.”

“Oh. Well…” Lupa scrolled through her phone, showing Lemy a video. “…maybe _this_ will jog your memory.”

Lemy took the phone, watching the video silently. That was him, fighting Joey Damone – or rather, _Joey Damone_ fighting _him._ Lemy winced at every blow that he took. It was painful to watch himself get beaten up like that – and more than a little humiliating. And the beating just got worse and worse as the video dragged on, culminating in the big stab. Lemy felt a twinge in his belly as he saw the knife plunge into it. He reached down and felt the area, running his fingers over the stitches. He remembered what Lizy had said, and felt a pang of guilt.

And yet, as he watched himself get back up time and time again, hearing himself taunt Joey and consistently demand that Joey apologize to him and his family, he couldn’t help but feel a small sense of satisfaction. He remembered that day, before the fight – how he knew he was getting in over his head, but just didn’t care. And in the end, he never backed down.

That had to count for _something._

The video ended with Joey and his friends running away from Lemy. Lemy settled back into bed. He didn’t know how to feel. On the one hand, he felt a little ashamed about worrying his family so much, nearly leaving them behind. But on the other hand, he felt proud of himself for standing his ground. In the end, all he said was, “…Well, now I know why I’m in the hospital.”

“That video is up on the Internet,” Leia said. “Everyone at school has seen it at least a dozen times.”

“Everyone at _our_ school, too,” Lupa added.

Lemy gulped. “Oh, boy… What are they saying about me?”

Liby shrugged. “Oh, nothing… Except that you’re a total _badass!”_

Lemy sat up – he wasn’t expecting that. _“Really?”_ He leaned back again. “…Wait, _why?_ I got my ass handed to me.”

“You kidding?” Aunt Lynn said. “You took all that punishment – including a _shanking_ – and _still_ came back for more! You even talked trash the entire time!” She grinned. “That takes some _serious_ huevos, kiddo.”

“Not to mention,” Liby added, “you stood up to Joey Damone – a.k.a. the _best_ athlete in Royal Woods Middle School – without even flinching! Well, _second_ best athlete…”

Lemy grinned. That _was_ pretty badass. _“Heh…”_ He looked at Lupa. “…Not bad for a ‘pencil-dick bitch’, huh?”

Lupa turned her gaze down and to the side, not daring to look Lemy in the eyes. Liby looked surprised. “You – Lemy, y-you heard that?”

Lemy nodded. “Why do you think I did all this?”

“W-Well, it’s just that, I-I thought you might’ve, you know, heard the news from one of your friends, or something…” Liby fidgeted. “I… I thought that was a _private_ conversation…”

Lemy smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, well… I was in the garage, having a smoke…”

“O… _Oh…”_

“Yeah. I, uh… I couldn’t help but overhear what Joey said about Lacy… and what Lupa said about _me…”_

At that, all of Lemy’s sisters fell silent, some of them squirming. After a while, Leia spoke up. “Lemy…” she said, “…you know we never meant any of the things we’ve ever said about you, right…? We… We never meant _any_ of it…”

Lemy read each of their penitent faces, and his heart melted. “…Yeah. I know.”

Lyra took his hand. “No matter what we say or do to you, Lemy, you’re our brother. And we love you.”

Lemy looked at his sisters’ and aunts’ smiling faces, and smiled back. “…I love you too, guys.”

“You’re family, Lemy,” Aunt Lori said. “Don’t think for a moment we don’t care about you. We _do.”_

“Well, I can see that. All of you are here, watching over me. Even you, Aunt Lana.” His smile faltered. “I just wish Mom was here, too…”

_“Ahem.”_

Lemy felt a tap on his left shoulder, and he turned his head as far left as he could. It wasn’t enough, so he had to turn onto his side a little to see who it was. Lemy eye popped.

_“M-Mom?!”_

Mom smiled warmly, wrapping her arms around Lemy in a tight hug. “Hey, baby. How’s my little rocker doing?”

“Mom, what are you doing here?!” Lemy said. “Aren’t you supposed to be on tour?”

“I came home as soon as I heard what had happened.” She cupped Lemy’s face in her hands. “Nothing is more important to me than my family. _Nothing._ You understand?”

Lemy blushed. “Mom…”

Mom kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, baby.”

“Yeah… love you too, Mom…”

After a while, Mom reluctantly separated from Lemy. His gaze swept over the entire crowd again. “Wow… I can’t believe everyone’s here! Except…” He looked around. “Hey, where’s Dad?”

“Oh!” Aunt Lily said. “He went to the bathroom just before you woke up. Hang on, I’ll go get him.”

Aunt Lily left the room, and everyone returned their attention to Lemy. “You know,” Aunt Lola said, “much as we hate to admit it, we’ve still had to take care of business. Your aunts and I have had to go to work, and your mother has had to take care of the kids, who had school to worry about. We couldn’t stay with you at the hospital all the time, no matter how much we wanted to.” She shook her head. “But your dad’s stayed here since the moment he arrived. He’s been by your side the whole time.”

“Yeah, and it’s taken a toll on him, too,” Lupa said. “He’s barely eaten, slept, or bathed. It’s terrible – you’ll see in a second.” She pulled the cigarette out from behind her ear and put it in her mouth, fishing for the lighter.

_“Lupa!”_ Lyra said. “What did I just say?!”

Lupa tucked the cigarette back behind her ear, growling. _“Fascist…”_

A few moments later, the door to the hospital room burst open, and Lemy’s father came rushing into the room, Aunt Lily close behind. Dad looked lean, ragged, _diminished…_ but most of all, _angry._

_“LEMUEL HALFORD LOUD!”_ he shouted. _“You are in a LOT of trouble, young man! Do you have ANY idea how WORRIED you made all of us?! Your SISTERS; your AUNTS; not to mention your MOTHER and I! I mean, we get a call just before bed, telling us that you’re in the HOSPITAL, with a KNIFE WOUND IN YOUR ABDOMEN?! Not to mention practically pounded into HAMBURGER?! Then the doctors tell us you’re in a COMA, with NO IDEA when you’ll come out of it?! You scared us all to DEATH!”_

Lemy lay in bed and calmly listened to his father rant at him. He knew that he was just worried about him, and venting a lot of stress that had been building up.

After a few ear-blistering minutes, Dad finally ended his tirade. _“…Well?”_ he said at last. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Lemy put his one unbound hand behind his head. He knew now what he did, and he remembered why he did it, and he was starting to feel headstrong again. “…I’m not sorry.”

Everyone gasped. Dad was the most surprised by far. _“…What did you say?”_

“I did what was right. I did what _someone_ had to do. I did _something.”_ He stared his father down. “I’m _not_ apologizing for that.”

It seemed as though Dad’s rant had reminded everyone how close Lemy had been to death. “L-L-Lemy,” Loan said, “wh-wh-what are you saying? Y-You were in a _coma!_ We-We almost _lost_ you!” She started chewing her fingernail. “J… Just like we lost Grandma and Grandpa…”

Lemy stared off into the distance soberly. _That’s right,_ he thought, _Loan was in the van with Grandma and Grandpa during the accident._ It happened when Loan was seven years old. Grandma and Grandpa were driving her home in their clunky old van after having her over for the weekend. She and Aunt Lori lived two towns over. They had been going down a steep hill when the van’s age finally caught up to it – and to its unfortunate owners. The brakes failed, Grandpa lost control of the steering, and they ended up plowing head-on into a tree. Grandma and Grandpa were killed; Loan barely survived herself. She had to wait half an hour for rescue, unable to do anything but look at her grandparents’ dead bodies – Grandma with her neck broken, and Grandpa with a steering column in his chest. Loan fractured a few vertebrae, and suffered quite a few internal injuries as well. Come to think of it, maybe that accident was why Aunt Lori started sheltering Loan…

 Noticing how silent Lemy had become, Mom tried to push the point through. “Lemy, baby, please… _please,_ just… promise us you’ll never do something as _reckless_ as this again, okay?”

Lemy looked at everyone’s worried faces. Then, he appeared to cave. “…Fine,” he said, sighing. Everyone looked relieved. Then with a smirk, Lemy added:

“Next time I won’t do it alone.”

_“Lemy!”_ Mom scolded.

“No, no, I get it, guys! I get it! I’ve learned my lesson – I can’t handle situations like this one all by myself. I need _backup –_ people to support me! _‘Two guns are better than one’,_ you know?”

“Lemy…” Aunt Lucy said, _“…look at yourself._ Don’t you feel _any_ regret?”

“The only thing I regret is losing some teeth and my good looks.”

“We can fix that!” Aunt Lola said. “With plastic surgery! A-And Lisa can whip up some sort of potion that can regrow your teeth, good as new! We can _all_ pitch in to cover the costs. All of us.” She rubbed Lemy’s leg, looking at him earnestly. “It doesn’t matter how expensive it is – _we’ll pay.”_

Satisfied, Lemy relaxed. “Then I regret _nothing.”_

“Lemy, _come on…”_ Lyra said sternly.

“Well excuse _me,_ but am I just supposed to just sit back and do nothing while some douche talks smack about my whole family?”

“Oh, Lemy,” Aunt Lana said, “your life is worth _way_ more to us than our _pride…”_

“Which, when you think about it, wasn’t that substantial to begin with,” Lupa added.

“Well, I’m _sick_ of it! All our lives, we’ve been looked down upon for something that we had _nothing_ to do with; something _completely_ out of our control! Something that has _nothing_ to do with who we are as people!” Lemy set his jaw. “We get treated differently just for being what we are. For _existing._ As if that’s a crime against nature. Well, it’s not a crime _we_ committed, and it’s not even a _crime,_ anyways! Our parents – our moms and our dad – they chose _love._ Love that they knew was abnormal, that no-one else would accept – but they chose it anyways. Because they _love each other._ Where’s the ‘crime’ in _that?_ And _us…_ we get called ‘inbreds’, ‘abominations’, ‘children of sin’ – as if that defines _everything_ about us.” He shook his head. “It _doesn’t._ We don’t deserve that. _None_ of us do. Especially not…”

As Lemy trailed off, everyone realized who he was referring to. The crowd parted to reveal Lacy standing in the corner, facing away.

“…Lacy?” Lemy said.

Lacy flinched as he called her name. Her fingers tightened around the sleeves of her sports jacket.

“What are you doing over _there?”_

Lacy turned her head slightly in his direction, then quickly turned away again.

With a solemn expression, Lemy raised his hand and beckoned to her. “Lacy… _come here.”_

Lacy hesitated, then slowly turned. Eyes riveted to the floor the entire time, she approached Lemy’s bedside.

 “…Hey, Lacy,” Lemy said.

Lacy fidgeted. _“…Hey.”_

Lemy shrugged. “Well, aren’t you happy to see that I’m awake?”

Lacy nodded, though almost imperceptibly. _“…Mm-hmm.”_

Lemy arched an eyebrow. “You don’t _sound_ very happy about it…”

Lacy didn’t answer.

“Come on, Lacy, show me a smile…”

Lacy’s lips started quivering. She shook her head.

“Why not?”

Lacy shook her head again.

“Why aren’t you looking at me?”

Lacy shook her head a third time. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. _“I… don’t…”_

Lemy frowned. With a great deal of effort, he reached out, sitting up in bed, and took Lacy’s hand.

“Lacy…” he said, _“…look at me.”_

Lacy gasped. She couldn’t ignore his touch. And knowing how much of a challenge it was for him to simply reach this far forced her hand. Quickly but reluctantly, she looked Lemy in the eye, and tried to focus on just that.

Lemy pulled her closer, lying back down. “Now, Lacy, I’m your brother, and I love you. You know that, right?”

Lacy blinked back tears. _“Mm… Mm-hmm…”_

“And if there’s anything that’s bothering you – anything at all – you can come to me. I’m _always_ willing to listen.” He squeezed her hand. “You _know_ that, right?”

Lacy’s breathing became ragged. She couldn’t bear to look him in the eye anymore, and her gaze fell to the floor. _“U-Uh – Uh-huh…”_

He grazed his thumb over the back of her hand. “So why don’t you look me in the eye… and tell me what’s bothering you, huh?”

Lacy gasped and choked, futilely wiping away tears. She glanced back up at him, and caught a glimpse of that patient smile of his. Despite it all, he was smiling, putting on a brave face – for _her._ He was so kind, so caring… and she didn’t deserve any of it.

_“…My fault…”_

Lemy lifted his head up. “Hm?”

Lacy started sobbing openly. _“It’s… It’s…! It’s MY FAULT…!”_

She collapsed in a heap on top of Lemy, nearly crushing Lulu. Lemy moved her out of the way, where Mom promptly picked her up, and wrapped his good arm around Lacy’s shoulder. “Hey, hey…” he said soothingly, “…what is it? _What’s_ your fault?”

_“This…!”_ Lacy cried. “All of _this…!”_ She sniffled, looking up at Lemy. “If… If I hadn’t been so _stupid…”_

“Stop it.”

“If-If I had just _known…_ what kind of guy he _really_ was –”

_“I said that’s ENOUGH!”_

Lemy put a firm hand on Lacy’s shoulder. “Lacy, _what_ do you have to apologize for, huh? _What did you do?_ All you did was ask a guy out, not knowing he was a total jerk – something you had _no_ way of knowing, by the way. Don’t try to deny it!” He wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb. “The only one who did anything wrong was Joey Damone. He chose to judge you based on what’s in your _genes,_ not what’s in your _heart._ That’s not just cruel – that’s _stupid._ Just plain _ignorant._ Remember, you didn’t choose who your parents are, Lacy. He _chose_ to reject you; he _chose_ to insult you. And when I _chose_ to have a chat with him, show him the error of his ways, he _chose_ to escalate things further, insulting not only you, but me, our sisters, our parents and aunts – our _whole family._ And me?” He smirked. “I _chose_ to teach him a lesson in _manners.”_

Lacy stared at him. “Y-You… _You…”_ She shook her head, scattering teardrops through the air, and started pounding on Lemy’s chest with her fists. “You _idiot!_ You didn’t have to _do that!_ This wasn’t such a big deal, Lemy! You didn’t have to _fight him_ over it! You didn’t have to almost get yourself _killed!”_

Though her blows were heavy, Lemy took them in stride. “Lacy –”

_“No!_ Lemy, _what_ were you thinking?! A-All you had to do was _stop,_ okay?! B-B-But you just, you just… _kept going!_ And now _look at you!_ You’re a _mess!_ You’ve been in a coma for _two weeks!_ _You nearly DIED!_ Joey, he… he’s an _all-star athlete!_ And-And _you,_ you…” Lacy shook her head. “Y-You should have _known,_ Lemy… You should have _known_ you couldn’t –”

Lemy took her hand. “Lacy,” he said, _“I’m_ _not stupid.”_

That threw Lacy off. “Wha –? I… I-I never said you –”

“I _know_ I’m weak. I _know_ I’m scrawny. Aunt Lynn tried to rectify that more than once, but it never took.” He shrugged. “I guess it’s in my _genes…_ Anyways, I didn’t hold any illusions of winning – especially not against a guy like Joey Damone. From the moment I set out to do what I did, I _knew_ that I was way out of my league.”

“Then _why,_ Lemy?!” Lacy asked. “Why’d you do it, if you _knew_ you couldn’t win?!”

“Because it was never about winning.”

Lacy fell silent, dumbfounded. That single statement singlehandedly dismantled all of her reasoning. Everyone else was just as shocked. Lemy took a small measure of satisfaction in watching them stare at him with dumb looks on their faces, then continued. “I didn’t care that I was getting in way over my head. I didn’t care that I was getting into a fight that I was destined to lose. _I didn’t care_ that he was going to knife me if I didn’t back down.” He shook his head. “He insulted my family. I needed to show him that I was _not_ going to stand for that. And so, I took everything he threw at me, never hesitating, never backing down. And I got my message across.”

The Louds listened to Lemy’s speech intently, awed. “Wh… What message, Lemy?” Lizy asked.

Lemy chuckled. “That we’re not that different. Let’s not kid ourselves, here – we are one _messed-up_ family. We’re kooky, we’re loony, we’re precocious, and we’re flat out _incestuous…”_

He spread his arms out, encompassing the whole Loud clan. “…but we’re still a _family._ And we stand up for each other.”

The Louds and their children all looked at each other and smiled. Some joined hands, some linked arms, some put hands around shoulders or waists. Finally, Aunt Lynn shook her head.

_“Aww,_ come on,” she said, “bring it in, everyone!”

The Louds all engaged in one big group hug. Lemy, unable to join them, was instead hugged by Mom, Lyra, Lacy, Lizy, and Lulu.

The embrace made Lupa uncomfortable. _“Ugh…_ Can I get out of here, please? This hug is suffocating…”

Lemy smiled. He knew that Lupa was about to cry, and didn’t want the others to see it. Well, that, and she _really_ wanted to smoke. He understood – he could go for a cigarette himself. Nevertheless, he shook his head. “Sorry, Lupa,” he said, “but we’ve all gotta put up with stuff we don’t wanna for our families. I mean, look at _me.”_

When the group hug broke, Lacy again looked at Lemy with concern in her eyes. “Lemy…” she said, “you still didn’t have to take it so far…”

“Oh, yes I did,” Lemy retorted. “Joey refused to give in, so neither could I.”

Lemy’s sisters all got disgusted looks on their faces. _“Ugh…”_ Lupa said, “…screw that prick.”

“Yeah!” Lizy added. “What a meanie, hurting Lemy!”

“Hey, that reminds me…” Lemy said. “What ever happened to him, anyways?”

Liby blinked. “Joey? Well, actually, you know that video you saw posted on the Internet? Well, one of Joey’s friends filmed that, and he also sent it to the police. They found Joey’s knife with your blood and his prints on it behind Gus’ Games and Grub, and it matched what happened in the video and your wound, so he got taken into the station. His mom bailed him out, but everyone’s avoiding him like the plague. He still claims it was self-defense, though.”

Lemy looked up at the ceiling, thinking. It made sense – _he_ was the one who initiated the fight, as well as the one who kept it going. Technically, _he_ was the one attacking _Joey._

“But no-one believes him,” Liby continued. “They’re still gonna use that defense at the trial.”

“I heard that a couple of his friends are gonna testify against him,” Leia said. “I hope he gets sent to jail, where he makes an appointment with _Big Bubba.”_

The girls all laughed at that, as did Lemy. Despite that, he shook his head. “…That’s not good enough.”

“You’re right!” Lyra said. “He should be cast down into the merciless inferno below, severed from God’s light, to be tormented for his sins for _all eternity!”_

Lemy shook his head again. “Still not good enough.”

_“Oooh…”_ Lupa said, “…now I’m curious. What sort of horrible punishment would _you_ inflict on him, Lemy?”

All of Lemy’s sisters leaned in intently. Lemy smirked. “I’d force him… to apologize to each and every one of us, starting with Lacy.”

The girls stared at Lemy, taken aback. “That’s _it?”_ Leia said. “That’s practically a _slap on the_ _wrist!”_

Lemy shrugged. “Well, that’s all I ever wanted from him. All he had to do was apologize to Lacy, for calling her an inbred; me, for calling me a freak; Mom and all my aunts, for calling them whores; Dad, for calling him a scumbag; and the lot of us, for calling us degenerate perverts, and I would have considered the matter satisfactorily settled. But, he chose to antagonize me instead, and, well… you know the rest.”

The girls adopted sour looks. “Gosh,” Liena said, “what a jerk.”

“I’m kinda glad he turned me down, now,” Lacy said. “Except, well, not really… But, you know – _ugh,_ you get the point.”

Everyone chuckled at Lacy’s stumbling speech, Lemy especially warmly. “You see?” he said. _“That’s_ what makes him so unworthy of you, Lace. He couldn’t look past everything and see _that.”_

Lacy looked at him. “Hm? What?”

Lemy beckoned to her, and she answered his call. “Lacy, I wasn’t able to tell you this that day, because you didn’t want to see me…”

Lacy looked guilty upon recalling that, as did Liby. “Lemy…” Lacy said, “…I-I’m sorry. If… If I had just _let you in –”_

“—it wouldn’t have changed much. So don’t worry about it too much. But now that I’ve got your ear… let me tell you what I would have told you if you’d let me.” He reached out, and Lacy took his hand. _“Forget_ Joey Damone. He doesn’t know _jack._ He can’t see how sweet, charming, peppy, passionate, kind, strong – uh…” He looked away, blushing a little. “Just… how all-around _cool_ you are, you know?”

A hush fell over the entire room. “L… Lemy…” Lacy said, “…wh… what are you saying?”

Lemy scratched his upper lip. Had he gone too far? That reason he gave, about starting the fight to stand up for his family? That wasn’t the _whole_ truth, but did she want to know that? After thinking about it for a few moments, Lemy closed his eye, sighing. _Ah, what the hell,_ he thought.

“I’m saying, Lacy, that it doesn’t matter that you’re inbred.” He released her hand and grazed his fingers across her cheek.

_“To me… you’re_ _perfect.”_

Lacy backed away, covering her mouth with both hands and blushing. Lemy’s mom, sisters, and aunts were just as moved, going _“Ooooh…”_ in unison.

_“Heh…”_ Aunt Lynn elbowed Dad. “Talk about a chip off the old block, eh, Lincoln?”

_“Hmph.”_ Dad folded his arms and scowled, trying to keep up his stern parent image, but inwardly he swelled with pride.

Lemy smiled, relieved that he had finally gotten the truth out there, but Lacy’s bashful reaction made him wonder if she felt the same way. _“Ahem…_ Well, anyway… _yeah._ Forget Joey Damone – he doesn’t know the _real_ you. And he still needs to apologize. Speaking of which, has anyone _else_ apologized for laughing at Lacy? Because if not, then as soon as I get out of here, there will be a _reckoning…”_

His sisters then revealed that plenty of people had come up to Lacy in the past couple weeks to offer their condolences, gush about her brother, and, indeed, apologize for laughing at her, telling her that she was awesome no matter what. From there, the conversation drifted to what had happened with the others during the two weeks that Lemy was in his coma. Apparently, his bold act had instilled a new sense of respect for the Louds that had been sorely lacking before.

_“…Oh!_ And you know what?” Aunt Leni went to the far corner of the room, where a bunch of deflated balloons reading _“Get Well Soon!”_ and such were floating, and brought them up to the bed. “Your classmates got these for you, Lemy. They were all _really_ worried about you.”

“Just wait until they hear that you’ve come out of your coma!” Leia said. “They’re gonna _freak!”_

“And to think,” Lupa said, “those same kids who now adore you used to think you were a wimp not two weeks ago.”

Lemy chuckled. “I _am_ a wimp.”

Lupa was initially taken aback, but as she thought about the way he said it so confidently, she realized what she meant, and a smile spread across her face. _“Heh…_ Yeah, I guess you are. But it just goes to show that just because you’re a _wimp,_ doesn’t mean you can’t be _tough.”_ She uttered a sultry chuckle and looked at Lemy slyly. “You better watch yourself when you get back home, _tough guy…”_

“Get in line, skank,” Leia said. “My friend Gwen asked me to get his phone number for her if he – er, _when_ he came out of his coma.”

“H-Hey!” Loan said. _“I_ w-w-wanted to b-be the one who t-t-t-took Lemy’s virginity!”

“You think you can _satisfy_ him? You think _any_ of you little girls can?” Aunt Luan ran her hand up and down Lemy’s thigh sensually. “Come on, pumpkin… let Aunt Luan make you a man…”

_“Moooom!”_ Liby shouted.

Lemy chuckled. “Hey, Dad, you hear that?” he said. “Sounds like you’ve got some competition now!”

Dad threw his hands up in the air. _“Finally!_ Maybe now I can catch more breaks like this one…”

“Speaking of…” Mom glided over to Dad’s side. “…break’s over, bro. Now that we know Lemy’s alright, I’ve got a _looot_ of pent-up stress from touring to relieve…”

Aunt Lana sidled up to Dad’s other side. “And observing the mating habits of chimpanzees has made me _reeeal_ horny…”

Mom got up close and whispered in Dad’s ear. _“We’ll shake you alllll night long, Lincoln…”_

Dad sighed wearily. “Well… it was nice while it lasted…”

Aunt Lana took Dad’s hand. “Come on – I’m tired of waiting. It’s getting late, anyways…”

Aunt Lori looked at her watch. “Oh, _jeez!_ Is it that time already? Sorry, Lemy, but we’ve got to go – it’s _way_ past the kids’ bedtime, and tomorrow’s Monday. Is there anything you want us to bring you from home?”

_“Hmmm…_ My MP3 player, please. And a pair of earbuds. Oh, and a bandana – I feel so _naked_ right now. And I don’t suppose you could smuggle in a pack of cigarettes…?”

Aunt Lori looked at him disapprovingly. “Not a chance, Lemy.”

Lemy shrugged. “Eh, it was worth a shot.”

“Alright, everyone,” Aunt Lola said, “say goodbye to Lemy!”

Each of Lemy’s sisters and aunts hugged and kissed him goodbye in order, wishing him well and telling him that they would see him again soon. Lupa and Aunt Lucy were the last in line.

“Say it,” Aunt Lucy said.

Lupa shifted uncomfortably. “…He _knows…”_ she grumbled.

“I know. I want you to _say it.”_

Lupa groaned. _“Fine.”_ She took a deep breath, then looked at Lemy. “…Sorry I called you a pencil-dick bitch, alright?”

Lemy smiled. “It’s okay – you’re _half-_ right.”

“Huh?”

“A _bitch?_ Sure. _Pencil-dick?_ I dunno…”

Lupa’s eyes lit up. Smiling slyly again, she walked up and gave him a hug. _“As soon as you get home,”_ she whispered in his ear, _“I’m gonna rock your world.”_

She gave Lemy’s earlobe a nibble, then separated from him, leaving him panting. Aunt Lucy, none the wiser, hugged and kissed Lemy goodbye.

Finally, Dad came to Lemy’s side, still serious. “Now, son,” he said, “tomorrow, we’re going to have a very serious talk about _self-preservation.”_

Lemy smiled. “…Looking forward to it, sir.”

Dad’s stern façade faltered for a moment, but only Lemy was able to see. As if to cover up his slip, he nodded decisively. “…Good.” He leaned in and gave Lemy a hug.

_“…Love you, son,”_ he whispered faintly.

_“Love you too, Dad,”_ Lemy whispered back.

Dad broke the hug, then returned to the pack wearing his serious face again. “All right, everyone, time to go.”

The other Louds all reluctantly bade Lemy farewell again, then started filing towards the door. Aunt Lynn tugged Lacy behind her, but Lacy slowed down before stopping altogether.

“U-Um… Mom?” Lacy said. “C… Could you, um… give me a second… real quick? I-I’ll catch up.”

Aunt Lynn knew exactly what Lacy was on about. “…Sure, honey. Sure.”

Aunt Lynn was the last out of the door, and she peeked through and winked at Lacy as she left. Lacy waved her off.

And then… it was just the two of them.

Lemy… and Lacy.

Lemy’s heart started beating faster and faster as Lacy came closer and closer, the beeping of the heart monitor increasing in pace accordingly. Okay, he was getting good signals so far – at least, he thought so. Maybe? The moment of truth.

Lacy sat at Lemy’s bedside, cracking a nervous smile. “…Hey,” she said.

Lemy was glad for his oxygen mask, as his equally awkward smile was obscured by it. “…Hey.”

Lacy started playing with her hair. “Um… I… um… Lemy?”

“Uh-huh?”

Lacy blushed. “I… I just wanted to say… um…”

“Yeah…?”

Now Lacy started playing with the whole ponytail. “Um… I… wanted… to say… um…” She looked into his eye, her breath hitched in her throat, and she gulped. Lemy waited with bated breath…

…and Lacy said, “…thanks for sticking up for me like that.”

Lemy blinked. “Oh. Well, no problem, Lacy.”

“It was…” Lacy scowled. “Well, it was really _stupid…”_ Then she smiled. “…but it was also really sweet.”

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You mean a lot to me, Lacy. I want you to know that.”

“Uh… thanks.” A long pause ensued, with Lacy not making any more eye contact. Finally, she spoke up again. “So, uh… s-see you at home, then.”

Lemy sank into the mattress, weakly waving goodbye. “Okay… see ya.”

Lacy sat for a few moments longer, then got up and started walking towards the door. Lemy chewed on the bitter taste in his mouth. So, she wasn’t interested. Too bad. Oh, well, gotta look at the positives. There were still plenty of fish in the sea – some swimming closer to home than others…

Lemy watched Lacy go, and waited for her to go… but she didn’t go. Halfway between him and the door, she stopped. And there she stood, for the longest time, fiddling with the hem of her skirt. Lemy stared at her, confused. He thought he had misread the signals before, but now… what was she doing?

Lacy turned back to him. “Lemy?”

“Y-Yeah?”

She blushed furiously. “Y… You know I never understood Mom and Dad’s love, right? I-I mean, I knew that they _loved_ each other, but I also knew that they were brother and sister. And, and I never imagined I could ever have _those_ kinds of feelings for _you…”_

Lemy’s eye widened. In a voice barely above a whisper, he said, _“But…?”_

Lacy bit her lip, her eyes dancing every which way. “B… But…”

She started squirming, and didn’t stop. After a while, the sight started to become uncomfortable. Lemy decided that a little more urgency might help her come to a decision. And so, he took off his oxygen mask.

“L-Lemy?” Lacy said.

Lemy took as deep a breath as he could, trying to collect as much oxygen as he could filter from the air. He managed it, but he knew that it would become laborious after a while. “Lacy…” he said, holding up the oxygen mask, “this mask can’t stay off forever…”

The message was clear – either come, or go. Lacy looked at him, then at the door, then back at him. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes filled with desire. She saw how much Lemy was struggling to breathe. She had to make a choice.

And she did.

The first step was hard. The second step was easier. And she took another step, then another, then another, until she was walking straight towards her little brother and tossing herself at him, pressing her lips against his.

They both closed their eyes, savoring the sensation of their lips touching. Lemy pressed a little harder, and Lacy moaned into his mouth. She broke the kiss only briefly enough to plant another one, then another at a slightly different angle, then another, then another. She slipped her tongue past his teeth, but it only made a few shy probes before retreating. After that, they satisfied themselves with lips only. It was passionate enough.

Lacy lifted her lips off of Lemy’s, then started peppering kisses all over his face, trying to feel as much of him with her lips as she could. As she kissed her forehead, he sneakily kissed her neck, making her gasp. When she looked back down and saw him grinning, she fell upon him again, engulfing him in another deep lip-lock. She poured her heart and soul into that last kiss, and when she finally parted from him, she was left panting, gazing down at him with her rich, brown, lovestruck eyes.

_“…Wow…”_ was all she could say.

Lemy also gasped for breath – though not in the same way as Lacy. _“M… Mask…”_

“What…?”

_“Mask…!”_

“Wh – _Oh!”_ Quickly looking around, Lacy located the oxygen mask and put it back on Lemy’s face. Lemy breathed in the pure oxygen, and his heartrate slowed down… a little.

“You okay, Lemy?” Lacy asked.

Lemy started laughing.

“…What?”

“You… _Heh, heh…_ You…” He smiled up at Lacy. _“…You took my breath away.”_

Lacy stared at Lemy, then cracked up laughing alongside him. “You sound like Aunt Luan…!”

Lemy channeled his best Aunt Luan. _“Hahahahaha!_ Get it?”

_“Hahahahahaha…!”_

They laughed together for a full minute, the sound melodious to each other’s ears, then once they were spent, pressed their foreheads together, smiling deliriously. And they remained there for another good minute more.

But, as all things must, it ended. Lacy lifted her head up. “Well… I’m gonna go now…” she said reluctantly.

Lemy nodded, waving her off. “Go on. Everyone’s waiting. We can still see each other tomorrow…”

Lacy planted a kiss on his oxygen mask. “Okay.”

She sat up, summoned all her willpower, then forced herself onto her feet. Lemy watched her practically float across the floor. Just before the door, she stopped, hiding her hands behind her back and smiling coyly.

“…I’ll be waiting for you when you get back,” she said.

“And I’ll be waiting to get back home to you,” he replied.

Lacy giggled. She opened the door and waltzed out, taking one last peek at the boy she now loved in more ways than one.

“…Bye, Lemy.”

“Bye, Lacy.”

She blew him one final kiss, then closed the door.

Lemy shifted his position, looking up at the ceiling with a big, dumb grin on his face. All in all, despite everything that had happened… this whole experience turned out to have been pretty worth it.

A nurse came into the room, holding a clipboard. “Now then, young man,” she said, “let’s see how you’re look –”

She stopped and stared. Lemy stared back, confused. “What? What are you –?” He followed her gaze to the bed. _“…Oh.”_

He was pitching a tent.

The nurse wrote on her clipboard. “…Well. At least we know _that’s_ still working…”

**The End (…maybe)**


End file.
